The most confusing thing for me is I have memories of cuddling with mom and also memories of her yelling at me, and I feel like I randomly shift between two different universes.

Its like when I’m in the good moment, my brain temporarily forgets about the trauma… then when the bad moments come, I wonder if the good memories are even real or have I been daydreaming/hallucinating all this time.

State-based learning, if you’re curious. For the same reason that studying in the same classroom as where you’ll take the test means a better outcome, the memories you make when you’re happy are easier to recall when you’re happy, and the memories you make when you’re sad are easier to recall when you’re sad.