• NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world
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    11 hours ago

    What is the source of these issues?

    Maybe men should stop being so shitty to men, but more so they should definitely stop being so hostile and abusive to women.

    • ShrimpCurler@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      6 hours ago

      I’m sure all the male homicide victims would be really glad they weren’t killed by women because then they would have lost their privilege…

      I really hate this reasoning I see sometimes that because men hurt other men we don’t need to care about those victims. We can just dismiss them and assume they still have all their male privilege because a smaller number of women are also victims. How about we stop framing all this stuff as men vs women and who has it better and instead focus on the actual problems and the actual victims regardless of their gender expression?

    • LurkingLuddite@piefed.social
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      11 hours ago

      Maybe it’s not all men and using such generic language is akin to saying, “maybe the gays should stop being so flamboiyant if they want acceptance”?

      • NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world
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        11 hours ago

        Nice dog whistle.

        Where did I say “all men?” Is it not entirely possible that these are all issues caused explicitly by men while there is also a conscious awareness from other men who are aware of and trying to address the issue? Men are the issue, or more accurately the concept of obligate masculinity is, but guess what demographic is enforcing that mindset?

        Hint: not women, and if you think it is then you don’t listen to women nor men.

        • LurkingLuddite@piefed.social
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          3 hours ago

          Not a dog whistle. I’m most likely more progressive than you, but you keep trying to feel superior to others! That’s definitely not a part of the problem!

        • eestileib@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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          10 hours ago

          Women police the patriarchy plenty.

          My experience from square straight married life is that women want men in general to be gentle and kind and whatnot, but they want their own husband to be capable of violence.

          At least that was my wife, there were aspects of toxic masculinity that she absolutely encouraged.

          Like, one time I got on a busy train with her and another guy got scared of me and left his seat. She sat down and smiled and patted my hand and said “that’s respect right there baby”

          And I totally understand the desire to have sex with a big strong not too bright dominant guy, trust me I get it.

          It’s not just SOs, mothers often play a huge part in conditioning men for the patriarchy, calling them little soldiers, telling them not to cry, to fight back at the bully at school, etc.

          • NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world
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            10 hours ago

            So, because women also have the ability to subjectively be shitty people and internalize misogyny that means no men are to blame for the outlined issues?

            Don’t date or marry shitty toxic people.

        • Samskara@sh.itjust.works
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          10 hours ago

          The gay community is not uniformly homogeneous. There are plenty of gay men who aren’t big fans of flamboyant queer culture.

          • TranscendentalEmpire@lemmy.today
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            10 hours ago

            “Aren’t big fans” is not the same as being bigoted, or discriminating against…

            Do think there are some Lincoln Republic gays out their thinking Tommy is going to hell, not because he’s queer, but because he sashays too hard?

              • Chippys_mittens@lemmy.worldOP
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                4 hours ago

                Unironically my best friend is a lesbian. She makes fun of flamboyant men or exceptionally butchy women but its not in a genuinely hateful way. She and her wife use terminology I’ve never dreamed of to describe other queer folk too. A “Hey mama” is my favorite recent one, pretty sure it means an attention seeking lesbian. So I kinda see what you’re both saying. Dude saying some gay people HATE flamboyant gay men is less correct though. I played the “I have a gay friend” card it was super effective. Thats three non trolling responses so far.

              • TranscendentalEmpire@lemmy.today
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                8 hours ago

                Yes? I’m even friends with several queer people…shocking as that may be.

                I even know a few conservative leaning gay dudes, our gay district has a gaybar specifically for cowboys. Even they don’t hate or discriminate against flamboyant gay men. They might not seek their company or want anything to do with that particular scene, but they are still neighborly.