“I’m sorry, but you have Fistobulimia. You may want to put your affairs in order.”

“Oh my god, Doc! That’s terrible. I came here for a runny nose. Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure. It lists… runny nose, tightness of jaw, numb toes, and a pain in your Scallambra region as typical symptoms.”

“I don’t have any of those other things and what the heck is a Scallambra?”

“You don’t have those? Hmm, let me double-check.”

(types)

“Good news! It’s likely a type of Fornamic Pellarsy. Says 76.2387% recovery rate by leeching. System’s already sent a referral.”

There’s more: https://lemmy.world/comment/18699894