Can run as fast as albert einstein, but don’t actually take the pill. Use it only when you or a loved one is immobilized by old age or injury. Nothing to lose, even if its a bogus ‘0mph, he’s dead’ pill.

How useful would this have been back at the dawn of computation, I wonder?

Caption: Me opening up to someone.

Picture: A sweater with a zipper barely big enough to cover the neckband, the zipper is down all of one little zipper notch and cannot go any further

Vote democrat then. They’re a bunch of conservatives anyway, so there should be no problem for someone like this.