If I were in that situation, I think an acceptable retort would be to hold up the drumstick of chicken I am munching on, and dramatically say ‘Behold, a man!’ then take a bite and totally ignore the random infatnilizing philosophy try hard as I go back to reading.

Maybe also, after a 30 to 60 second pause, nonchalantly ask if he happens to have any hemlock sauce, just to try to get a rise out of him.