In general I think we as a society need to be kinder to these confused young men before they take that path. It’s a more difficult conversation to have and the solution is not very clear.
I agree, and I’ll come right out and say it. Real, truly meant words of praise, appreciation, affection, and pride – where appropriate – go a LONG way toward turning that shit around. If you have the opportunity to work with younger people, never miss a chance to give them something positive and truthful by way of observation and praise. You have no idea how long it’s been, if ever, that they’ve been made to feel valued.
Hell, I wouldn’t even take a bet on how long it’s been since YOU were made to feel valued. Even those we assume are the most popular among us can be walking in emotional deserts, because we’ve collectively stripped society of everything but the most superficial shows of value.
While this is true for people of all genders, it is exceptionally true for young men. Find ways to praise and even mentor, if you can. I honestly believe that if every father told his male child at least once how much he loved him, instead of using that kid as a personal mirror at which to strike at his own insecurities, this world would be a markedly different place.
I had an uncle that learned this the hard way. He grew up in hell, which made him a cold hardass who could be absolutely vicious. Back in his day (the 50s) you had to get married, so he did and had a few children, but he was a complete bastard. And he joined the Army too, so he had that reinforcement going for him at work, which he of course brought home.
And then something changed for him. He had some kind of epiphany back in the 80s. I forget what it was. It wasn’t just religion, but something flipped the switch in regard to what he was doing to everyone around him. And in response he decided that he was going to tell everyone just how much he cared about them. His wife was like whatever, his own adult children were wary as hell, and even his friends were like okay but don’t hug me. Because he was doing it from a very genuine place, over time he actually won a lot of people around. Even (eventually) his own family, to whom he apologized and gave room to confront him over his prior shitty behavior. Amends were quietly made. And when he died his funeral was so packed there were lines around the block: none of us ever knew he even had that many friends, and friends they were, lining up to speak one after the other about what he’d done for them in his life.
His change was real. And he didn’t do much, he just decided he didn’t care if it made him feel or look like a fool and started telling people how much he really did care for them, and stopped lying his way through what hurt.
I’d prove it with an obituary if it wouldn’t dox me, but yeah. Start there. People treat young men in terms of what’s wrong with them; if you want to make a difference, start seeing what’s right with them.
I agree, and I’ll come right out and say it. Real, truly meant words of praise, appreciation, affection, and pride – where appropriate – go a LONG way toward turning that shit around. If you have the opportunity to work with younger people, never miss a chance to give them something positive and truthful by way of observation and praise. You have no idea how long it’s been, if ever, that they’ve been made to feel valued.
Hell, I wouldn’t even take a bet on how long it’s been since YOU were made to feel valued. Even those we assume are the most popular among us can be walking in emotional deserts, because we’ve collectively stripped society of everything but the most superficial shows of value.
While this is true for people of all genders, it is exceptionally true for young men. Find ways to praise and even mentor, if you can. I honestly believe that if every father told his male child at least once how much he loved him, instead of using that kid as a personal mirror at which to strike at his own insecurities, this world would be a markedly different place.
I had an uncle that learned this the hard way. He grew up in hell, which made him a cold hardass who could be absolutely vicious. Back in his day (the 50s) you had to get married, so he did and had a few children, but he was a complete bastard. And he joined the Army too, so he had that reinforcement going for him at work, which he of course brought home.
And then something changed for him. He had some kind of epiphany back in the 80s. I forget what it was. It wasn’t just religion, but something flipped the switch in regard to what he was doing to everyone around him. And in response he decided that he was going to tell everyone just how much he cared about them. His wife was like whatever, his own adult children were wary as hell, and even his friends were like okay but don’t hug me. Because he was doing it from a very genuine place, over time he actually won a lot of people around. Even (eventually) his own family, to whom he apologized and gave room to confront him over his prior shitty behavior. Amends were quietly made. And when he died his funeral was so packed there were lines around the block: none of us ever knew he even had that many friends, and friends they were, lining up to speak one after the other about what he’d done for them in his life.
His change was real. And he didn’t do much, he just decided he didn’t care if it made him feel or look like a fool and started telling people how much he really did care for them, and stopped lying his way through what hurt.
I’d prove it with an obituary if it wouldn’t dox me, but yeah. Start there. People treat young men in terms of what’s wrong with them; if you want to make a difference, start seeing what’s right with them.