I had a friend that moved very far away. We stayed in touch for a while. But he was very busy running a business and raising a special needs toddler with his wife so contact became sporadic. At first I was very understanding and would repeatedly initiate contact that generally, but not always, seemed to well received. After a year or two, I pretty much gave up except for an occasional outreach. I thought that he must be mad at me about something though I couldn’t imagine what. After a year or so of minimal contact, I learned that he was suffering from, and hiding, crippling depression. I found out because he hanged himself.
If you care for the person, put in the fucking effort. You don’t know what’s going on in their life. I will never forgive myself for not trying harder.
I am sorry for your loss but, you are not responsible for troubles of others. You tried for a year or two. That’s a lot. It seems you went further for that friend than most people would. Sometimes, we are not able to help others, no matter how hard we try.
I know it’s not my place to say that but I’ve seen people I know get hit with the same kind of guilt, slowly but surely tearing at them and I don’t really want anyone else to be in this place.
Plus, he was living elsewhere, running a business and raising a special needs toddler. Any one of those and it would be reasonable to think that he might just have too much on his plate to maintain the friendship.
You are right, but we shouldn’t compare ourselves to “most people.” The bar is WAY too low especially in modern day hypercapitalist, narcissistic, cold, uncaring countries. If we are going to compare ourselves to “most people,” at least recognize the context we are in. Most human earth citizens throughout history (and pre-history) are NOT AT ALL the same as the people of 1930s Germany or the late Roman empire, or this 250 year experiment we call the USA. Let’s compare yourselves to the good examples of people/tribes of the world, if we must compare ourselves to anyone.
I had a friend that moved very far away. We stayed in touch for a while. But he was very busy running a business and raising a special needs toddler with his wife so contact became sporadic. At first I was very understanding and would repeatedly initiate contact that generally, but not always, seemed to well received. After a year or two, I pretty much gave up except for an occasional outreach. I thought that he must be mad at me about something though I couldn’t imagine what. After a year or so of minimal contact, I learned that he was suffering from, and hiding, crippling depression. I found out because he hanged himself.
If you care for the person, put in the fucking effort. You don’t know what’s going on in their life. I will never forgive myself for not trying harder.
I am sorry for your loss but, you are not responsible for troubles of others. You tried for a year or two. That’s a lot. It seems you went further for that friend than most people would. Sometimes, we are not able to help others, no matter how hard we try.
I know it’s not my place to say that but I’ve seen people I know get hit with the same kind of guilt, slowly but surely tearing at them and I don’t really want anyone else to be in this place.
Plus, he was living elsewhere, running a business and raising a special needs toddler. Any one of those and it would be reasonable to think that he might just have too much on his plate to maintain the friendship.
You are right, but we shouldn’t compare ourselves to “most people.” The bar is WAY too low especially in modern day hypercapitalist, narcissistic, cold, uncaring countries. If we are going to compare ourselves to “most people,” at least recognize the context we are in. Most human earth citizens throughout history (and pre-history) are NOT AT ALL the same as the people of 1930s Germany or the late Roman empire, or this 250 year experiment we call the USA. Let’s compare yourselves to the good examples of people/tribes of the world, if we must compare ourselves to anyone.
I’m sorry for your loss internet friend.
Thank you, needed that
You may have done something very good with this comment
I’m glad that I may have helped. I hope I did.