cw: talks a fair bit about sex and my perspective on it
i sometimes experience a problem myself similar in vain to this.
as much as i enjoy snuggling and affection and even more “smutty” stuff like breasts, i do not enjoy the prospect of sex. perhaps its some form of gender dysphoria, perhaps its something else, honestly not super sure. all i know is i don’t find sex appealing!! but i’m also not vehemently against it or disgusted by it. i think this article puts it really well:
i think it would be more accurate so [sic] say that, often, asexuality yearns for the absence of sex, rather than being defined by it.
with regards to nudity: the only times it actually makes me feel a little uncomfortable is when it is set in a sexual/romantic setting. if someone is at the lake with not as much as a patch of covering on them and just swimming around and having fun, i don’t mind at all. so long as its not sexualized i think nudity is perfectly okay! but, if it is brought into any romance through even just caressing the other’s hair or whatever, it puts me off a little.
again, i do like this sort of affection, i do absolutely find people attractive. i just enjoy being able to be affectionate or observe it without having to partake in/bear witness to sex!
however, a marginally decent number of people are seemingly unable to comprehend any this. quite often some people get incredibly confused no matter how much i try and explain this to them. i’ve never really been ridiculed for it thankfully, but it just does not seem to compute in some people’s heads that i am not fond of sex!!
that aside, this is thankfully one of the better places i’ve seen on the internet, and i’m glad to be here!! regardless i provide you with my best wishes when it comes to fending off the demands of the internet, and my apologies for the ramble :D
simpler times
I’m probably just really tired, but why would people expect that? Posting cool stuff is a huge service that I’m really grateful for, I wouldn’t have such an amazing feed without all of you guys who are active posters, if anything you should be offered uh… services, if so desired, not requests to provide them wtf.
I feel a bit bad for silently upvoting your content instead of commenting things to offset the shit you must get. I don’t say much here compared to how many things I upvote. Please keep doing your thing, you are appreciated here and I hope you can still enjoy yourself without creeps spoiling that.
What if I like and share?
Oh never mind, you’re a girl.
I thought you were a furry femboyHaha op you’re so cool and sexy
is this a real thing? like…do people really get so sexually charged they reach out to strangers for sex?
just jerk off into the toilet like a normal person and go about your day.
Goddamn, I love when you give me orders.
Would you wanna bone?
only if you’re ok using quartz sand as lube.
That’s just sex on the beach, baby. Sold!
I mean, yes. The human touch is excellent for stuff like sexting and erp with strangers on the internet. But also, that’s what hookups are.
hookups are two consenting individuals.
reaching out to a stranger that hasn’t given consent or worse, just sending dick pics, is just weird.
Ah I interpreted reaching out to strangers more broadly as including going to places where it’s normal and expected behavior to pursue strangers for sex.
Dick pics I’ve just always assumed were about power like catcalling.
that I can agree with.
nobody should be upset about getting hit on at a bar, because it’s a social gathering place generally used for hookups.
but it’s perfectly acceptable to get upset if you’re hit on at work.
If rule34 and horny sub/community comments are to be believed, then yes. I genuinely can’t understand why people wanna have phone sex with randos on image boards, but sure I guess. I always thought it was the ace in me, but thankfull others see it too I guess.
But I did. And if someone wants sexual services from me, assassinate Peter Thiel, and I will be right back on it.
Look. I’ll do it for free. It’s been a rough spell.
Nothing is more wholesome than people doing it for the love of the game
Thank you! Pretty generous! And I don’t have to give up my booty for it!
Goddamnit, this comment thread is gonna make me work. Op, if anyone starts harassing you, don’t be shy, send me reports. I ain’t playing this shit.
Lol do you need your bonking stick?
If he’s going after people harrassing violet, he can borrow mine.
I saw the thumbnail and was about to comment “justice for violet08” but then I opened the post and it was you
Still though. Justice for violet08
Your posts are a refreshing change of pace in an otherwise heavily male-focused space.
Lemmy is great but requires some heavy pruning. I reccomend making frequent use of the block button
Lemmy also has a misogyny problem, despite being progressive on most issues. Besides my own experience, I’ve seen this a lot in women/feminism-related threads.
I think society at large has a misogyny-as-default problem unfortunately. I guess most of us have been raised with biases we’re not really aware of until we reach a certain level of self-reflection.
Sometimes I feel like Lemmy is worse than reddit in this regard. The amount of blatant misogony I see is unreal. Memes, posts, comments, it’s everywhere, often not-so-subtly too.
It’s like this for a lot of the fediverse, too. I came here from a misskey fork, and I don’t see much of a difference in frequency, but Lemmy is more capable of concentrating it.
Reddit has worse but it’s more contained imo. Most of lemmy browses all so we’re all just here with each other as opposed to having people cordoned off onto the red pill and female dating strategy vs trollx and similar communities.
Women reddit is the main thing I miss
Your posts are a refreshing change of pace in an otherwise heavily male-focused space.
You could almost say /c/femcelmemes is, uhhh, leaking, in a way.
👉👈
Hi, I upvoted your post, so when’s the wedding? 😏
Step back. I’ve upvoted quite a few of Violet’s posts therefore we are obviously going to meet later, do The Sex ™, then go out for cheese sandwiches!!!
How the fuck did he get grilled cheese in here‽
Some people don’t know how to deal with an overtly sexual woman. It throws them for a loop. To some people, only men are allowed to be horny. If you’re a horny woman you must be a slut who can’t control their emotions and that’s bad.
I think it’s important for some men to realize women are people, too. I know that sounds silly to say out loud but I really think some guys think women are these completely different creatures from themselves. We’re all human and, gasp, some like to talk and joke about sex. The horror!
La’Ron Readus has an interesting video essay on this called ‘The Siren’s Scapegoat’ that I recommend giving a watch if you’re interested on the way movies have handled women being overtly sexual!
Considering it was only about 100 years ago that science decided that women could orgasm and weren’t just faking it to make their husbands happy…yes, the idea that a woman can be horny and is a normal human being is a shocking revelation to some (many?).
See that makes a lot of sense, but you are forgetting something vital. This is the internet, so everyone is a guy. Especially the horny women. Therefore, only men can be horny. Checkmate, wanktheiests.
who can’t control their emotions
Ironic how men accuse horny women of being unable to control their emotions when it’s mostly horny men being unable to control their emotions that’s actually problematic (causing misogyny and rape)
Many men tend to be actually too horny, they objectify women and tend to have misogynistic and patriarchal expectations.
tbf this board is 99.8% male and like 1/3rd autistic at that and there’s almost no posts in Lemmy Shitpost talking about how they love showing off their dicks, fucking women, being horny, jerking off etc because these guys are nerds not frat boys
Happy to be proven wrong
That’s not to say the content isn’t welcome, if it wasn’t it’d be downvoted (ask me how I know)
It’s less that I mind or care, it’s more that seriously horny content wasn’t really a thing before. Sure, people would joke around, but actual horny-posting was limited to places you had to actively seek out (like lemmynsfw). If people don’t want to draw attention to what they say, be it good or bad, they shouldn’t say things that stick out 🤷
i think the presumably male hornyposting takes the form of “here is an image i enjoy with no commentary,” making the subject of attraction the main focus and barely mentions the poster at all, violet’s specific brand centers violet as the main character, her feelings as central, and barely mentions the actual subject of those feelings
so there’s a real difference
I think there was some of that in nsfw. I think the biggest instance died, though.
Yeah. But then to see it, you would have actually made the conscious choice to go to lemmynsfw, no?
The posts are still shown on the main feed (depending on instance) just buried by everything else. Scroll long enough and you’ll see it
Ah OK. I’m on my own instance. So I don’t have any of those communities here. So in my case I won’t.
I do hate the double standard that it’s totally fine for men to joke and talk about sex, but when a woman does it, she must be dirty in some way. I get that biologically, women have had to be more choosy with partners because for a long time, the best protection was zero insertion, or the chances of ending up with a child you didn’t want were nonzero. Things are different now. We have the pill. We have emergency contraceptives. Some of us even have access to abortions.
Sex isn’t dirty. It’s normal and natural to want it. It’s normal to have a hard time getting it. It’s normal to be frustrated by the dating field and navigating relationships. It’s normal to feel incredibly rewarded when you do get it. And it’s normal to want to blow off steam by talking to people closest to you about your successes and failures in life. And a big part of being human is one’s own sexual exploits.
One of my closest friends is a woman about 13 years older than me (I’m 33; she’s 46), and she’s going through menopause right now. And she’ll start talking about the difficulty it’s bringing her, and she’ll tell me, “You don’t wanna hear about all this,” or, “I know you don’t care about this.” And the truth is that I do not nor could I ever understand what she’s going through, but as a friend, I can listen to her complain about it and give her the space to vent. Even if I’ll never get it, I can just be a voice in the room to pull out some great hits like:
- “Jeeeesus, I’m so sorry,”
- “Yikes, that sucks,” or
- "Haha, Fuck. That."
As a man, I don’t always have follow up questions or advice to offer someone going through issues unique to women. But people aren’t always looking for advice. Sometimes, it’s just nice to have the space to blow off steam with a safe person.
And that’s not dirty. It’s something we all do.
Curious that this is your perception, while i myself have noticed a sort of inverse trend in that regard.
Especially around these parts it is heavily frowned upon making any kind of horny or sexual comment as a dude about a woman. A surefire way to get schooled on what a misogynist objectifying dick you are (excluding literal porn community comment section of course).
Other horny comments are much less controversial, women on men, men on men, women on women. Things you might find in the average (gay) porn comment section get upvoted on lemmy on a regular basis, im sure it’s totally ironic.
So my personal “analysis” of recent ish lemmy online discourse would be that heterosexual men on lemmy avoid being publicly horny because of the expected blowback. That or they make an alt account.
Idk I took a glance at your posts and I don’t know if I would call them hypersexual, I would consider that like what u/sexmeat did. I think horny humor is just part of Gen Zs vernacular
I’m not even bi and I miss her posts, they were so hot.
I also think it’s just that some (especially young adult) people are very sex motivated, and due to various factors young women like that are often treated as abnormalities rather than within the expected variation of humanity.
I enjoy the posts, I’ve just always assumed this is another user doing a bit though — which is fine
All the better if there is a real person behind this, it gives me some hope for the younger generation, and I hope nothing you encounter here makes you regret sharing who you are and what you’re going through.
But you’re in a community that is skewing older and more early-internet, and thus most of us find it prudent to pretty much assume every identity in a community like this is partially or largely fake. I am, for example, a 4 year old Australian Shepherd in real life and my human has no clue.
Real or fake, I enjoy my game of “Stamets or Violet” every time I see a horny or uncouth post.
On the internet everyone knows you’re a dog if you’re from pawb.social at least.
Looks concerningly regardless of instance
I, for one, still believe Stamets and Violet are the same person. Have you ever seen them in the same room together at the same time?? Checkmate!
This is like the second or third time I’ve seen this Stamets person mentioned, as if everyone knows who they are, but I’m clueless. I figure I’d better ask now before it gets even more awkward - who is Stamets and what’s their deal?
https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/u/Stamets
Idk what his deal is officially, just that if I find a meme especially relatable on a neurospicy level, it’s him 9/10 times. And that he kinda likes Star Trek.
I’ve responded to and had Stamets comment on some of my posts. Don’t know anything about Violet
