People like to blame men for the failure/neglect of society, parents, teachers, etc., to teach them the things they’ll need to know as an adult. Generally regarding stuff that was conventionally ascribed as “women’s duties”: cooking, cleaning, decorating, etc.
People blame the individuals as if they’re supporting the patriarchy by not knowing the things that they were never taught. That’s missing the point, because these men were harmed by the patriarchy which neglected to teach them these important things.
It’s really hard to enter your twenties and become moderately independent and suddenly have to learn a hundred different things that are absolutely critical to a well-ordered life, that already come so naturally to people who have been doing it their entire lives that they hardly even think about it and look down on you for not just intuitively grasping everything you need to know.
But no, they see a young guy struggling with basic tasks like washing the bed sheets or hanging curtains or choosing a tasteful rug or not burning dinner or whatever, and they jump straight to “NOBODY IS GOING TO MOMMY YOU, GROW TF UP!!!” Because it’s sooo cool to attack a man who you find in a position of weakness because he’s struggling with tasks you deem basic.
If we could just break that stigma and make it okay for men to ask for help, they’d be able to learn what they need to a lot easier. At least the ones who try. Clearly the ones who don’t try and have no interest in trying are the problem, so why focus the ire on the ones who do try? Asking for help kinda skylines yourself and makes you vulnerable to attack, so I’m not surprised few people do it.
That would at least ease the transition for a generation or two until people who learn basic things as boys grow up and become men who don’t need to catch up on the things that the average 20yo woman has already been doing for over a decade…
Also of note, some of that can just be pure crippling ADHD too,
washing the bed sheets
Thanks for reminding me.
hanging curtains
Bought 'em 2y ago and they’re still in the box in a seldom used closet, keep forgetting about them until I see them but then I’m doing something and will have to get to it later, by “later” I’ve forgotten again. I’ll get to them later…
choosing a tasteful rug
This one might not be ADHD I just hate shopping for things, I get in and get out.
Many, many years ago I did one of these. I made sure to take pictures, because at least some of the shots looked good enough to make up for the sadness of not eating it.
The worst part about burning food is it stinks the kitchen out for days. The last time I burnt some pasta (straight up forgot about it and went to bed) I seriously started looking at buying a ozone machine. But I would 100% definitely kill myself with that so in the end I just left all the windows open for a few days.
Who ever said it’s not okay for men to ask for help!? I’m pretty sure that’s a personal pride thing more than a societal norm, or is at least a societal norm because so many men let pride get in the way. Small men tend to be embarrassed if they don’t know how to do something that’s perceived as simple, and don’t know how to handle that emotion so it is either dismissed or becomes a point of frustration.
Why do you think those men make it a point of pride not to ask for help? It’s because they’ve internalized the subtle (and not-so-subtle) messaging that they’ve received since childhood that asking for help is weakness, and weakness is bad, because you’re a man so you’re supposed to be strong and know how to do everything by yourself.
Social norms and individual behaviors are a chicken and the egg situation. Yes, societal norms are made up of individual behaviors. However, those behaviors are also influenced by societal norms. And often, society punishes any deviation from those norms.
It’s literally the same process that teaches women to do the things that basically all of the feminist literature ascribes to societal norms and internalized messaging. It’s the same process. So why do people always try to invalidate it whenever someone brings up the male side of that coin?
Are you responsible for teaching all your cousins how to cook?
The guy’s cousin asked him for help, so it’s not that bold to assume he helped him. It’s pretty clear that he hadn’t asked before, so why would the first twenty years be any indication of what happens now?
He clearly didn’t get the guidance he needed when he was younger, but he is trying and asking questions. He is on the right path.
People like to blame men for the failure/neglect of society, parents, teachers, etc., to teach them the things they’ll need to know as an adult. Generally regarding stuff that was conventionally ascribed as “women’s duties”: cooking, cleaning, decorating, etc.
People blame the individuals as if they’re supporting the patriarchy by not knowing the things that they were never taught. That’s missing the point, because these men were harmed by the patriarchy which neglected to teach them these important things.
It’s really hard to enter your twenties and become moderately independent and suddenly have to learn a hundred different things that are absolutely critical to a well-ordered life, that already come so naturally to people who have been doing it their entire lives that they hardly even think about it and look down on you for not just intuitively grasping everything you need to know.
But no, they see a young guy struggling with basic tasks like washing the bed sheets or hanging curtains or choosing a tasteful rug or not burning dinner or whatever, and they jump straight to “NOBODY IS GOING TO MOMMY YOU, GROW TF UP!!!” Because it’s sooo cool to attack a man who you find in a position of weakness because he’s struggling with tasks you deem basic.
If we could just break that stigma and make it okay for men to ask for help, they’d be able to learn what they need to a lot easier. At least the ones who try. Clearly the ones who don’t try and have no interest in trying are the problem, so why focus the ire on the ones who do try? Asking for help kinda skylines yourself and makes you vulnerable to attack, so I’m not surprised few people do it.
That would at least ease the transition for a generation or two until people who learn basic things as boys grow up and become men who don’t need to catch up on the things that the average 20yo woman has already been doing for over a decade…
Also of note, some of that can just be pure crippling ADHD too,
Thanks for reminding me.
Bought 'em 2y ago and they’re still in the box in a seldom used closet, keep forgetting about them until I see them but then I’m doing something and will have to get to it later, by “later” I’ve forgotten again. I’ll get to them later…
This one might not be ADHD I just hate shopping for things, I get in and get out.
OH SHIT MY PIZZA!
Many, many years ago I did one of these. I made sure to take pictures, because at least some of the shots looked good enough to make up for the sadness of not eating it.
The worst part about burning food is it stinks the kitchen out for days. The last time I burnt some pasta (straight up forgot about it and went to bed) I seriously started looking at buying a ozone machine. But I would 100% definitely kill myself with that so in the end I just left all the windows open for a few days.
Who ever said it’s not okay for men to ask for help!? I’m pretty sure that’s a personal pride thing more than a societal norm, or is at least a societal norm because so many men let pride get in the way. Small men tend to be embarrassed if they don’t know how to do something that’s perceived as simple, and don’t know how to handle that emotion so it is either dismissed or becomes a point of frustration.
Why do you think those men make it a point of pride not to ask for help? It’s because they’ve internalized the subtle (and not-so-subtle) messaging that they’ve received since childhood that asking for help is weakness, and weakness is bad, because you’re a man so you’re supposed to be strong and know how to do everything by yourself.
Social norms and individual behaviors are a chicken and the egg situation. Yes, societal norms are made up of individual behaviors. However, those behaviors are also influenced by societal norms. And often, society punishes any deviation from those norms.
It’s literally the same process that teaches women to do the things that basically all of the feminist literature ascribes to societal norms and internalized messaging. It’s the same process. So why do people always try to invalidate it whenever someone brings up the male side of that coin?
He also didn’t get the guidance here. Who says “I’m tweeting this”.
You help him, and then you tweet it privately…
I’m sure he helped him after taking the screenshot
Bold of you to assume this when clearly that hasn’t happened in the first 20 years of life
Are you responsible for teaching all your cousins how to cook?
The guy’s cousin asked him for help, so it’s not that bold to assume he helped him. It’s pretty clear that he hadn’t asked before, so why would the first twenty years be any indication of what happens now?