Yup, when you don’t have a functional parent or adult around you learn to do a lot on your own.
Then when you’re actually an adult you appear weird to everyone because you’re so independent it’s off-putting to people who grew up with social support.
You also get to develop some trust issues because the people who are typically there to rely on as a child were unreliable.
But everyone comes out the other end different and you realize how important those formative years are.
My old manager: You have to say something when you need help. I’m not a mind-reader.
My mom, when all I did was mention that I can’t find an affordable place to live: Sorry, can’t help.
I didn’t ask for help and had zero intentions of asking for it (because I know her), just keeping her in the loop (which she claims to want), and she pre-emptively makes sure I know I can’t rely on her.
These are two very different people who would both claim to want to “support” me, coming at it from the perspective of someone who thinks everyone has a supportive environment (manager) and the perspective of the person who gave me trust issues in the first place (mom.)
It must be nice to feel like there’s always someone out there who will help you solve your problems. I’ve had to solve everything myself, or else suffer (and then be called “lazy” or “irresponsible” for being unable to do a particular thing, as if the millions of other things I manage to do alone count for nothing.)
Yup, when you don’t have a functional parent or adult around you learn to do a lot on your own.
Then when you’re actually an adult you appear weird to everyone because you’re so independent it’s off-putting to people who grew up with social support.
You also get to develop some trust issues because the people who are typically there to rely on as a child were unreliable.
But everyone comes out the other end different and you realize how important those formative years are.
My old manager: You have to say something when you need help. I’m not a mind-reader.
My mom, when all I did was mention that I can’t find an affordable place to live: Sorry, can’t help.
I didn’t ask for help and had zero intentions of asking for it (because I know her), just keeping her in the loop (which she claims to want), and she pre-emptively makes sure I know I can’t rely on her.
These are two very different people who would both claim to want to “support” me, coming at it from the perspective of someone who thinks everyone has a supportive environment (manager) and the perspective of the person who gave me trust issues in the first place (mom.)
It must be nice to feel like there’s always someone out there who will help you solve your problems. I’ve had to solve everything myself, or else suffer (and then be called “lazy” or “irresponsible” for being unable to do a particular thing, as if the millions of other things I manage to do alone count for nothing.)
I think we must have had the same mother.