A friend of mine used to cancel appointments a lot. A common friend of ours got really pissed about having their appointments canceled repetedly, often very late or last minute. Their friendship broke over it, tough it was only the last staw.
Appointments i had with my friend got canceled too a lot. I spoke about it with her and it turned out that she was having mental health issues and just didn’t find the curage to be open about it. So we talked it over and now the agreement is that i always treat plans we make as optional. A cancelation is expected and never a big deal, i’ll always have a backup plan ready.
I guess what i’m saying is, don’t think it nececarily has to be about a person not wanting to meet with you, sometimes they just can’t. And that is fine.
You’re a good friend and compassionate human being. Honestly, more energy than I would probably have invested but I respect the hell out of you for it.
Yeah, it just makes me not want to make plans with that person. And I say that as someone who struggled with depression and anxiety. We all have limited budgets for emotional work, and there is a level of flakiness where I just don’t feel like trying to be friends with the person is worth the effort.
If they are at a close enough friendship where that sort of open, honest communication as Gloomy suggested can work, good, but from personal experience, trying to develop a new friendship with such a person can just be too hard when they don’t communicate, so I don’t know if their lack of engagement is from lack of interest or something else.
This is where your choice to associate with people comes in to play!
If people hurt you and you’re not able to empathize with them or give them grace then resentment is inbound and that’s a relationship neither of you need!
Yeah I hate this expectation that I have to be completely ok with “friends” avoiding me and cancelling plans. I’m not ok with it, it sucks, and if you keep doing it I’ll find new friends.
A friend of mine used to cancel appointments a lot. A common friend of ours got really pissed about having their appointments canceled repetedly, often very late or last minute. Their friendship broke over it, tough it was only the last staw.
Appointments i had with my friend got canceled too a lot. I spoke about it with her and it turned out that she was having mental health issues and just didn’t find the curage to be open about it. So we talked it over and now the agreement is that i always treat plans we make as optional. A cancelation is expected and never a big deal, i’ll always have a backup plan ready.
I guess what i’m saying is, don’t think it nececarily has to be about a person not wanting to meet with you, sometimes they just can’t. And that is fine.
Communication? In my friendship? It’s less likely than you think!
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You’re a good friend and compassionate human being. Honestly, more energy than I would probably have invested but I respect the hell out of you for it.
#belikeGloomy
No, it’s not fine.
Even if it’s because of their mental problems - it still hurts and rightfully depletes your initiative to make shared plans.
Yeah, it just makes me not want to make plans with that person. And I say that as someone who struggled with depression and anxiety. We all have limited budgets for emotional work, and there is a level of flakiness where I just don’t feel like trying to be friends with the person is worth the effort.
If they are at a close enough friendship where that sort of open, honest communication as Gloomy suggested can work, good, but from personal experience, trying to develop a new friendship with such a person can just be too hard when they don’t communicate, so I don’t know if their lack of engagement is from lack of interest or something else.
This is where your choice to associate with people comes in to play!
If people hurt you and you’re not able to empathize with them or give them grace then resentment is inbound and that’s a relationship neither of you need!
It wasn’t fine even in the OP situation. That’s why they had to look for a solution.
This is where I exercise the free will I’m trying to tell you about
Yeah I hate this expectation that I have to be completely ok with “friends” avoiding me and cancelling plans. I’m not ok with it, it sucks, and if you keep doing it I’ll find new friends.
I’m glad your mental health is fine.