people don’t go out anymore ok
This entire post is precisely the problem. The fact that everyone here is conflating sex with mental health support is the reason why men’s mental health isn’t being taken seriously.
Men are not socialized to, and even actively discouraged from being emotionally vulnerable with each other.
We won’t need men doing more fucking, we need men to sit down together and talk about their depression, and we need other men to be supportive and not downplay these conversations with sexist or homophobic slurs.
Exactly what I interpreted from this too. Posting a bunch of stats on sex and marriage as if they’re a remedy for loneliness ignores the fact that people absolutely can feel lonely while having both.
Men do absolutely need to be better with each other but women do perpetuate this also.
The modern concept of masculinity is completely broken. Long ago it used to be about being a protector, now it’s about anger, dominance, power, emotional dysregulation, resource hoarding (most of which provide little benefit to society at large).
A co-worker keept telling me he knows what’s wrong with me and that I just need to fuck. I so wanted to strangle him, because I’d imagine that would make you less focused.
Another keeps insisting I grab (a married co-worker) by the pussy.
those are co-workers though, everyone has stupid co-workers. It’s like that whole “you can’t choose your family” thing but corporatized.
What are stats on suicide rate for men? Or depression? Wouldn’t those be much better indicator than whether or not they had sex or marriage?
Lots of people have depression or suicidal thoughts while in relationships, too.
Depends if you are on 4chan of not
“Male loneliness epidemic” is about male friendships more than anything no?
That’s definitely one sense, and the one that’s actually an issue. But I’ve read enough headlines and yt subject lines to pick up on there also being some muddying of the waters with romantic female companionship. Or rather lack thereof as being a key part of the crisis.
Yea everyone knows as soon as you have sex once you never feel lonely again.
Seems like a lot of incels really believe it though
Indeed, which may actually be the source of their problems, or at least one of them.
Yeah when they fixate on sex it generally results in a bunch of behaviors and personality traits that make them unpleasant to be around and often make other people (particularly women) dislike or even fear the idea of sex with them.
I also honestly think a lot of it comes down to homophobia. I think there’s a lot of closeted or Kinsey 3+ bi men that are prevented from being happy with a male partner and even more importantly it keeps straight men from pursuing platonically fulfilling emotional intimacy from other men. I often deal with sexual transference behaviors out of male patients (when I try to help them emotionally they develop sexual attraction) and it can be difficult to both find a male staff member to model appropriate nonsexual emotional intimacy to them and to get the patient to accept the healthier experience / teaching.
TLDR there’s a lot of things I would like to do to help solve the male loneliness epidemic because it’s a very real thing but I’m AFAB and NB at best and 90% of the work needs to be done by men helping other men, so I’m functionally helpless to do so.
In my experience (as in my classmates(, you couldn’t be more right.
Shit. I’ve had sex that made me feel even more alone than before.
(Had to figure out how to word that.)
With modern contraceptive technology we can have sex thats completely meaningless, where both parties are trying to achieve a deeper connection (to something, not even necessarily to each other) and misguidedly hope it can be achieved through a simple release. Its almost dystopian.
It doesn’t have to be meaningless. It’s perfectly meaningful to have innocent fun with somebody else.
Sure but I’d argue if both parties are going in openly with that intention that is a type of connection on its own.
Yeah, totally! Getting my dick wet is precisely the kind of emotional and intellectual connection I’m missing! The penis is my data transfer cable.
The penis is my data transfer cable.
That could almost be a CAKE lyric
[USB Connection sound]
Remember to safely unmount
TBF, they seem closely correlated. It seems unlikely (though not impossible) that you’ll find the emotional intimacy we expect from romantic relationships but won’t get any sex.
Honestly the people that make me feel not lonely are not the ones I have sex with. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket; that’s how you end up in a codependent mess. Loneliness isn’t about romantic partners only, and friendships can be the most fulfilling things.
Strongly disagree. I’ve met far too many young men that see sex as a means to an often self serving end. Sex is a means of expressing love towards another person, it’s not meant for self gratification. Seeing it that way is a recipe to have a lot of meaningless sex only to be left wondering why you feel so empty.
Theres a reason women generally don’t climax from being jackhammered or even from clitoral stimualtion in many situations. They’re coded for that emotional connection as a prerequisite for good sex. We are coded that way too but modern culture has painted that type of vulnerability as “unmanly”.
In my view, a strong emotional connection creates the necessary conditions for good sex. But you don’t need good sex to have a strong emotional connection.
Men can end their loneliness epidemic by getting their priorities straight.
I never said that you can’t have sex without emotional intimacy. But the kind of emotional intimacy you get in a good romantic relationship is something that in our society your relatively unlikely to get outside of such a relationship, at least if you’re a man. Not impossible, and it should be more common, but right now it’s just not, especially for men.
That’s if one assumes that the loneliness is caused solely by a lack of romantic connection, yes.
Personally, I’m lacking in the friendship and acceptance department as well, and sex most certainly isn’t a part of either of those.
This is such a toxic mentality. If you can’t get emotional intimacy in a romantic relationship without sex then you have problems you need to work on.
How does having sex once same as not being lonely? Sure I am lonely and virgin. But, I could just as easily be not virgin and still lonely AF.
Yea, I would imagine a 30-40 yo virgin may end up getting a sex worker. having sex with a sex worker doesn’t really reduce loneliness.
Some just gotta have sex before they can acknowlege that it might not be all their life is missing. Teenage hormones are so over-the-top, its a wonder so many of these men live long enough to voice their beliefs from the older age brackets.
Anon conflates the desire for a more involved and expanded social life with just having sex, thereby perfectly explaining their lack of a more involved and expanded social life.
That’s definitely a decent chunk of what people in the media who talk about the ‘male loneliness epidemic’ are talking about, though. I don’t think I’ve read a single article about it that doesn’t devote time to how little sex young men allegedly aren’t having.
Maybe he just wants to hang out with the boys and fuck! Didn’t think about that did ya?
Shit, 4 more years and I will be in 10%.
“premarital sex” also known as sex
yeah but it was a one night stand so you know it made them feel extra less lonely
>It's not just about getting laid (though that's part of it.) >It's also about friends >But even in the "getting laid" part, it's moreso about a real emotional connection in conjunction with the sex, I believe they're called "relationships." >while some is just incels, it's also normal people >If we had more Third Spaces that aren't centered around booze and money, it'd go a long way to helping the issue >it's not just men.The “while some is just incels” in your code comment part had me for a while, genuinely made me think of programming
This is terrible news…
- That is sex. You can have all the sex you want and still be lonely.
- Those stats are probably the “we asked some people” kind which means everyone who had their first relationship at 24 will say that “oh yeah technically i was with that random girl in grade school so you know what lets say its 12”
She went to a different school you wouldn’t know her
“Male loneliness epidemic” = “all lives matter.” Though counterintuitive, they both attempt to bring increased attention to men on an issue that is already universal. There is a loneliness epidemic conversation you could join.
“Male loneliness epidemic” = “all lives matter.”
I disagree, ALM is a whataboutism meant to distract from the BLM movement. There is no loneliness epidemic movement, so if some men want to get together and discuss how loneliness particularly affects them, good for them.
Sorry you’ve felt left out of the conversation. If you spend time in male-only spaces you’ll find they aren’t talking about it.
