Just to be clear, there is a loneliness epidemic: https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf
In the scientific literature, I found confirmation of what I was hearing. In recent years, about one-in-two adults in America reported experiencing loneliness. And that was before the COVID-19 pandemic cut off so many of us from friends, loved ones, and support systems, exacerbating loneliness and isolation.
Loneliness is far more than just a bad feeling—it harms both individual and societal health. It is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death. The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day,4 and even greater than that associated with obesity and physical inactivity. And the harmful consequences of a society that lacks social connection can be felt in our schools, workplaces, and civic organizations, where performance, productivity, and engagement are diminished.
Dunking on incels who equate loneliness with a lack of sex and ascribing the “male loneliness epidemic” to being a meme made up by chronically online social media users is a mistake.
Everyone is experiencing loneliness.
Just because women suffer in silence while some men turn to antisocial behavior doesn’t mean that this is a problem that’s fabricated or only affecting men.
If you’re resistant to believing that this is a real problem because the people making noise about it on social media are primarily men then you’re ignoring reality.
Instead of “having been married” and “having had sex”, maybe measure the amount actually spent in relationships and their quality.
If a large portion of men don’t have the skills to be in a relationship despite having the skills to find one, then the data showed here in greentext means jack shit.
There’s a difference between having had sex and not being lonely… If these idiots would stop equating being lonely to not getting laid there wouldn’t be so much resistance to the idea that there is a problem. Yeah, not being able to find someone to have sex with sucks but there’s a whole lot of other shit missing that comes before that. If your only problem is not getting laid you’re not lonely you’re horny.
If these idiots would stop equating being lonely to not getting laid there wouldn’t be so much resistance to the idea that there is a problem.
The problem is that the vast majority of the time whenever you logically breakdown the actual complaints being put forth by people supporting the idea of a “male loneliness epidemic” they usually boil down to “i deserve sex”, or some other misogynistic ideology centered around blaming others for their misanthropy.
Once you start asking questions like who is responsible for male loneliness? What’s the solution for male loneliness? Why are we specifying it as a gender specific epidemic? If there are so many men unified in loneliness, why not just befriend each other…?
Usually the answers themselves will just be accusations of misandry or just beligerence. And then if they actually engage with any kind of honesty or self reflection, you will usually get down to “I deserve female companionship”…but it’s totally not about sex. But also there’s a difference between female friends and having a girlfriend… But it’s totally not about sex.
It isn’t a male loneliness epidemic, it’s a loneliness epidemic. You’re never going to get satisfying answers to your questions if you accept the framing that it’s a male loneliness epidemic.
It’s a loneliness epidemic for everyone.
Focusing on the arguments of people who have no understanding of the topic and are just spreading toxicity is pointless; but pretending that there isn’t a loneliness epidemic because it’s used to power some incel memes is contributing to the apathy about this issue which is causing harm to both men and women.
https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf
They must have never heard of hookers.
“3.3% of men are virgin by age 30”
Cool! I am special
look ma’! I’m special!
look ma’! I’m special!
deleted by creator
Is that an Andrew Tate wojak?
That’s it. I knew it looked vaguely familiar and couldn’t figure out why
I almost was in the 3.3%… dodged it by only a few years.
Then I went without for a long while after though because I mistakenly thought any sex I’d have after that would probably be equally mediocre and it wasn’t worth the effort. Realized that was stupid and I was missing out. Now I’m trying hard to get into a sexual relationship of some kind again with some minor success in the form of occasional one night stands. They’re OK fun. I think my autism makes it hard to maintain the relationships though beyond one or two nights. My masking inevitably slips a little and I say or do something cringe or rude.
I’m bi I’ve been contemplating getting on Grindr to explore my homo side a bit more but from what I hear that’s basically nothing but one night stands…
It’s okay to be different and that often comes with struggles. But it sounds like you’re trying to attack the problem with yourself and not just giving up and being angry about the world. That’s a good mindset to have.
Sex is fun, but it doesn’t cure loneliness. If you’re looking for a longer term solution then start looking to build lasting relationships, be open about having autism and you’ll find that the people you end up meeting will be going into things with you with a bit more understanding and empathy than if you just try, and fail, masking.
And, as always, a therapist is very useful when you’re trying to make a big change in your life. Having someone who is both educated in psychology and an unbiased observer can really help you see and understand things that you’d otherwise miss.
Only problem is every time I’ve been open about my autism with a person I was attracted to up front their interest starts to slowly fade. Its not immediate, but I suspect they start framing everything I say or do as part of my autism and I think they lose interest because of that. Though its impossible to know, and it might be coincidence or I’m seeing patterns where there are none. So I tend to keep it to myself with in person interactions more these days.
I think of it like this: Those people were never going to be compatible with you anyway and you spend a lot of time and effort masking and trying to hide who you are. It works for short interactions but not with anybody that you’re going to see often.
You’re better off acting in a way that makes you the most comfortable and true to yourself. The people who can’t handle that will filter themselves out. Rejection isn’t pleasant, but it’s brief. On the other hand masking constantly is exhausting even if it fools people for a bit.
You’ll be much more content in the long term if you just understand that it’s okay to just be who you are and let others decide if they like that or not. I guarantee that there are women (and men) who are compatible with you, but you won’t meet them by wasting your time with people who are not.
Go to FEELD bro :3
TIL I’m like in the 10%
But those 3.3 percent are really upset about it.
people don’t go out anymore ok
Was at a nearly sold-out Ghost concert in Houston just last week. Had to wait in an enormous entrance line to get to the pool, the day before that. Grocery store is going to be slammed this weekend, because of all the Labor Day parties. Nearly got trampled in the park by a running club of what had to be a couple hundred people.
Damn shame nobody goes out anymore.
what city are you in? im interested for honestly reasons
edit oh its huston thank you friend
👍
People still go out to events like concerts and holiday parties. Far fewer people casually go out to their local bars and coffee shops during the week. I’m pretty sure that’s empirical.
Far fewer people casually go out to their local bars and coffee shops during the week
Maybe in aggregate. But I can’t speak to that personally. My neighborhood bar is regularly slammed. There was a line around the block for some novelty tot bag at my local coffee shop.
Could just be a Houston phenomenon. But this insistence that nobody leaves the house anymore feels more like Internet dogma than fact.
the downtown area of my home town is totally dead. it used to have a cluster of bars that were always packed, and it’s all just gone now.
im hearing things about other us cities that my friends are living in, that they’ve all died as our generation has gotten older and the younger generation isn’t interested
This entire post is precisely the problem. The fact that everyone here is conflating sex with mental health support is the reason why men’s mental health isn’t being taken seriously.
Men are not socialized to, and even actively discouraged from being emotionally vulnerable with each other.
We won’t need men doing more fucking, we need men to sit down together and talk about their depression, and we need other men to be supportive and not downplay these conversations with sexist or homophobic slurs.
The fact that everyone here is conflating sex with mental health support is the reason why men’s mental health isn’t being taken seriously.
The comments are taking the lead from the greentext that forms the basis for this post, and taking any greentext seriously is basically the original sin here.
we need men to sit down together and talk about their depression
I have a friend who hosts a men’s support group through his Brazilian Jujitsu Dojo. And I think the fact that this club exists is great for everyone involved. But holy shit is it depressing to visit a club full of guys who are just harping on their depression.
Like, we all need a time and a place to unload. But we do also need a time and a place to have some fun. The best thing for my depression, getting out of college, was hanging with people my age and doing social activities together. BBQs, dance halls, board game nights, house parties, concerts and clubs - all great for relaxing and socializing.
we need other men to be supportive and not downplay these conversations with sexist or homophobic slurs
Also nice when people can feel safe to joke and laugh with each other.
Exactly what I interpreted from this too. Posting a bunch of stats on sex and marriage as if they’re a remedy for loneliness ignores the fact that people absolutely can feel lonely while having both.
Men do absolutely need to be better with each other but women do perpetuate this also.
The modern concept of masculinity is completely broken. Long ago it used to be about being a protector, now it’s about anger, dominance, power, emotional dysregulation, resource hoarding (most of which provide little benefit to society at large).
A co-worker keept telling me he knows what’s wrong with me and that I just need to fuck. I so wanted to strangle him, because I’d imagine that would make you less focused.
Another keeps insisting I grab (a married co-worker) by the pussy.
Does your job not have an HR department or something? I’m fairly easygoing but encouraging sexual assault is over the line.
Literally does not. The closest to HR is the owner’s son.
those are co-workers though, everyone has stupid co-workers. It’s like that whole “you can’t choose your family” thing but corporatized.
What are stats on suicide rate for men? Or depression? Wouldn’t those be much better indicator than whether or not they had sex or marriage?
Lots of people have depression or suicidal thoughts while in relationships, too.
Depends if you are on 4chan of not
Yea everyone knows as soon as you have sex once you never feel lonely again.
I mean… I’ve had sex and I never feel lonely.
Could also be because I’m severely introverted and probably autistic though…
Seems like a lot of incels really believe it though
Indeed, which may actually be the source of their problems, or at least one of them.
Yeah when they fixate on sex it generally results in a bunch of behaviors and personality traits that make them unpleasant to be around and often make other people (particularly women) dislike or even fear the idea of sex with them.
I also honestly think a lot of it comes down to homophobia. I think there’s a lot of closeted or Kinsey 3+ bi men that are prevented from being happy with a male partner and even more importantly it keeps straight men from pursuing platonically fulfilling emotional intimacy from other men. I often deal with sexual transference behaviors out of male patients (when I try to help them emotionally they develop sexual attraction) and it can be difficult to both find a male staff member to model appropriate nonsexual emotional intimacy to them and to get the patient to accept the healthier experience / teaching.
TLDR there’s a lot of things I would like to do to help solve the male loneliness epidemic because it’s a very real thing but I’m AFAB and NB at best and 90% of the work needs to be done by men helping other men, so I’m functionally helpless to do so.
In my experience (as in my classmates(, you couldn’t be more right.
“Male loneliness epidemic” is about male friendships more than anything no?
That’s definitely one sense, and the one that’s actually an issue. But I’ve read enough headlines and yt subject lines to pick up on there also being some muddying of the waters with romantic female companionship. Or rather lack thereof as being a key part of the crisis.
Shit. I’ve had sex that made me feel even more alone than before.
(Had to figure out how to word that.)
With modern contraceptive technology we can have sex thats completely meaningless, where both parties are trying to achieve a deeper connection (to something, not even necessarily to each other) and misguidedly hope it can be achieved through a simple release. Its almost dystopian.
It doesn’t have to be meaningless. It’s perfectly meaningful to have innocent fun with somebody else.
Sure but I’d argue if both parties are going in openly with that intention that is a type of connection on its own.
Yeah, totally! Getting my dick wet is precisely the kind of emotional and intellectual connection I’m missing! The penis is my data transfer cable.
Maybe Avatar was onto something….
Well, crap… don’t have nearly enough hair for that…
The penis is my data transfer cable.
That could almost be a CAKE lyric
It could give new meaning to the phrase, “you’ve got male!”
[USB Connection sound]
Remember to safely unmount
You mean pull out just after the handshake packets get sent?
TBF, they seem closely correlated. It seems unlikely (though not impossible) that you’ll find the emotional intimacy we expect from romantic relationships but won’t get any sex.
Honestly the people that make me feel not lonely are not the ones I have sex with. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket; that’s how you end up in a codependent mess. Loneliness isn’t about romantic partners only, and friendships can be the most fulfilling things.
That’s if one assumes that the loneliness is caused solely by a lack of romantic connection, yes.
Personally, I’m lacking in the friendship and acceptance department as well, and sex most certainly isn’t a part of either of those.
Strongly disagree. I’ve met far too many young men that see sex as a means to an often self serving end. Sex is a means of expressing love towards another person, it’s not meant for self gratification. Seeing it that way is a recipe to have a lot of meaningless sex only to be left wondering why you feel so empty.
Theres a reason women generally don’t climax from being jackhammered or even from clitoral stimualtion in many situations. They’re coded for that emotional connection as a prerequisite for good sex. We are coded that way too but modern culture has painted that type of vulnerability as “unmanly”.
In my view, a strong emotional connection creates the necessary conditions for good sex. But you don’t need good sex to have a strong emotional connection.
Men can end their loneliness epidemic by getting their priorities straight.
I never said that you can’t have sex without emotional intimacy. But the kind of emotional intimacy you get in a good romantic relationship is something that in our society your relatively unlikely to get outside of such a relationship, at least if you’re a man. Not impossible, and it should be more common, but right now it’s just not, especially for men.
This is such a toxic mentality. If you can’t get emotional intimacy in a romantic relationship without sex then you have problems you need to work on.
