1000%. I’m currently ending an 8½ year relationship over this: When we met we were both depressed, both bought into this mindset that we were pairing up for an eternal winter. As we’ve transitioned to our mid thirties, I got help and got back up, while they didn’t. And as much as you want to be there for someone, you can’t make someone change when they don’t want to. But this mindset is infectious, and it ruins lives.
I don’t know how you managed to pull yourself out of that funk with that kind of partner. Being constantly exposed to that kind of negativity makes it infinitely harder. Kudos.
I mean realistically I wanted to change. And despite our issues, they were extremely supportive, even if they didn’t want to change, too. Then I started getting frustrated when they didn’t, or expected me to be who I was; then we started fighting, then I started changing without them, and slowly the relationship crumbled. It’s like I grew too big for a box: Slowly I pressed against the walls, started breaking them, and now I just don’t fit anymore. And like, this isn’t a value judgement of them: They don’t want a depressed partner, they want a homebody partner, and I was that at one point. But I can’t be anymore, not just because it’s not me anymore, but also because trying hurts. Trying isn’t just changing myself, it’s reliving all the reasons I was a homebody.
Good on you for having an empathetic understanding of the situation - for yourself and for them. I can tell you really did grow a lot. Good on ya! Keep up the growth
1000%. I’m currently ending an 8½ year relationship over this: When we met we were both depressed, both bought into this mindset that we were pairing up for an eternal winter. As we’ve transitioned to our mid thirties, I got help and got back up, while they didn’t. And as much as you want to be there for someone, you can’t make someone change when they don’t want to. But this mindset is infectious, and it ruins lives.
I don’t know how you managed to pull yourself out of that funk with that kind of partner. Being constantly exposed to that kind of negativity makes it infinitely harder. Kudos.
I mean realistically I wanted to change. And despite our issues, they were extremely supportive, even if they didn’t want to change, too. Then I started getting frustrated when they didn’t, or expected me to be who I was; then we started fighting, then I started changing without them, and slowly the relationship crumbled. It’s like I grew too big for a box: Slowly I pressed against the walls, started breaking them, and now I just don’t fit anymore. And like, this isn’t a value judgement of them: They don’t want a depressed partner, they want a homebody partner, and I was that at one point. But I can’t be anymore, not just because it’s not me anymore, but also because trying hurts. Trying isn’t just changing myself, it’s reliving all the reasons I was a homebody.
Good on you for having an empathetic understanding of the situation - for yourself and for them. I can tell you really did grow a lot. Good on ya! Keep up the growth