Apple Thanks President Trump for Being the Most Pro-Technology President Ever; Introduces the Trump Channel on Apple TV
Cupertino, California — Apple today announced a bold new partnership with the 47th President of the United States, Donald J. Trump, thanking him for his unwavering support of technology, innovation, and large gold letters on buildings. In recognition of his tireless contributions—like personally inventing the iPhone before Steve Jobs “borrowed” the idea—Apple is proud to launch The Trump Channel on Apple TV.
“President Trump is, without question, the most pro-technology president the world has ever seen,” said Tim Cook, staring blankly into the middle distance. “His visionary policies—such as renaming Wi-Fi to ‘Trump-Fi’ and personally boosting 5G by standing next to a cell tower—have created the greatest jobs numbers in the history of silicon. Truly, nobody’s ever seen anything like it.”
The Trump Channel will feature:
Exclusive Original Programming, including The Apprentice: Cabinet Edition and Shark Tank but Everyone’s a Trump.
24/7 Coverage of the Jobs Report, with real-time updates on how many people are thanking him with tears in their eyes.
Epstein Documentary Section, labeled “FAKE HOAX,” automatically skipping to golf highlights at Mar-a-Lago.
A dedicated Covfefe Mode, where subtitles don’t make sense but still claim to be “the best words.”
Apple TV+ subscribers will get access to the Trump Channel at no extra charge—because as Trump has pointed out, “Tim Apple owes me big league.”
Availability
The Trump Channel on Apple TV will roll out starting today in the U.S., with international launches pending approval from leaders who appreciate “big beautiful deals.”
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Apple Thanks President Trump for Being the Most Pro-Technology President Ever; Introduces the Trump Channel on Apple TV
Cupertino, California — Apple today announced a bold new partnership with the 47th President of the United States, Donald J. Trump, thanking him for his unwavering support of technology, innovation, and large gold letters on buildings. In recognition of his tireless contributions—like personally inventing the iPhone before Steve Jobs “borrowed” the idea—Apple is proud to launch The Trump Channel on Apple TV.
“President Trump is, without question, the most pro-technology president the world has ever seen,” said Tim Cook, staring blankly into the middle distance. “His visionary policies—such as renaming Wi-Fi to ‘Trump-Fi’ and personally boosting 5G by standing next to a cell tower—have created the greatest jobs numbers in the history of silicon. Truly, nobody’s ever seen anything like it.”
The Trump Channel will feature:
Exclusive Original Programming, including The Apprentice: Cabinet Edition and Shark Tank but Everyone’s a Trump. 24/7 Coverage of the Jobs Report, with real-time updates on how many people are thanking him with tears in their eyes. Epstein Documentary Section, labeled “FAKE HOAX,” automatically skipping to golf highlights at Mar-a-Lago. A dedicated Covfefe Mode, where subtitles don’t make sense but still claim to be “the best words.” Apple TV+ subscribers will get access to the Trump Channel at no extra charge—because as Trump has pointed out, “Tim Apple owes me big league.” Availability
The Trump Channel on Apple TV will roll out starting today in the U.S., with international launches pending approval from leaders who appreciate “big beautiful deals.”
Will Tim Apple be a special guest on the “Ow, my balls!!” premier on the Trump channel?
We’ve gotten to a point when satire is genuinely so close to reality that it is indiscernible
I read the first para and thought it was real
If this is real, people are still going to buy iPhone’s. That’s how shit this country is.