For several years I lived adjacent to the Palm Beach world. Had an ex whose family was generationally wealthy and so I would hang out in the various clubs from time to time. Me? I grew up in the 'hood (part of that time in a double-wide trailer) with a single mother, had a lip ring, and would drive my pick-up that had no muffler up to the valets (both embarrassed and amused). I say all of that for context, I was a complete outsider to this world. And what I learned is that these people are so entrenched in their way of life that they can’t see anything different. They really don’t think anything at all about their privilege–because they’re not capable of doing so.
For instance, my ex took her grandma to Target one day. Woman was in her 80s and had never stepped foot in a big-box type store. She found a purse that was like $18 and was just so delighted that such a thing existed. Meanwhile, their normal way of shopping for things was that, say, the local Ralph Lauren store would send a trunk over with all the latest styles, pre-tailored, and they would just send back what they didn’t want. She once lost her purse and when asked if there had been any money in it she replied “not that much, only about $800.”
And the thing is that she was a lovely woman, very genuine, and I always felt welcome in her home. I came to realize that I couldn’t expect her to know what she didn’t know–AND the challenge that comes with people like her not being able to learn different perspectives. Her view of the world was vastly different than mine (like, I recall being five or six and my mom leaving a cart full of groceries at the counter because she had maxed out credit cards after losing her job).
This is not to excuse this kind of behavior. Just to add perspective. These CAN (notice the emphasis on can) be good people, but are just so completely unaware of their privileges that when a journalist asks them “what’s the secret?” and they don’t bring up their heritage and connections, it might not be because they’re lying to us; it might be because they genuinely cannot see those things.
I will also add that, after those years around such people, I came to feel sort of sorry for them. Their vision of the world was as narrow as the trailer park rednecks I knew. Many of them had traveled all over the world, but hadn’t really SEEN it, y’know. They were so closed off to the wider world that they couldn’t enjoy anything that wasn’t “safe.”
I once worked with a guy who I would describe as “very colonial British”. He would probably be ~70 years old now and was telling stories from his childhood in Hong Kong and Philippines. Stories of racism and privilege that he treated like something completely natural.
So one time he told a story about his friend’s son that was such a great businessmen and managed to build a big company all by himself. He supposedly had a small company making bags and managed to grow it by:
Going to some fancy party with his father
Meeting some important director from HP there
Getting huge order for laptop bags from HP
Opening a factory in China to fulfill this order using big loan he got from his father
All by himself you see. Great businessman.
I totally agree with you. Those people really don’t see this as privilege, they think this is how everyone does things. The infuriating part that you have a lot of people among them that realize how bad this looks so they pay think tanks and media to push stories about “job creators” and how everything would collapse without those people.
I’ve seen this with my own parents. Mortgage paid off fully, so even in their 30k/year agency job, they’re still earning more than me after I pay rent. I don’t fault them for not understanding my financial struggles, or why I work the crazy hours that I do.
The world changed, but they didn’t, they untethered themselves from its harsher edges by simple merit of owning property back when it was cheap to do so.
And I think that’s the ultimate divider. If you own your source of shelter and maybe even food, you can happily survive the rest of your life doing nothing.
For several years I lived adjacent to the Palm Beach world. Had an ex whose family was generationally wealthy and so I would hang out in the various clubs from time to time. Me? I grew up in the 'hood (part of that time in a double-wide trailer) with a single mother, had a lip ring, and would drive my pick-up that had no muffler up to the valets (both embarrassed and amused). I say all of that for context, I was a complete outsider to this world. And what I learned is that these people are so entrenched in their way of life that they can’t see anything different. They really don’t think anything at all about their privilege–because they’re not capable of doing so.
For instance, my ex took her grandma to Target one day. Woman was in her 80s and had never stepped foot in a big-box type store. She found a purse that was like $18 and was just so delighted that such a thing existed. Meanwhile, their normal way of shopping for things was that, say, the local Ralph Lauren store would send a trunk over with all the latest styles, pre-tailored, and they would just send back what they didn’t want. She once lost her purse and when asked if there had been any money in it she replied “not that much, only about $800.”
And the thing is that she was a lovely woman, very genuine, and I always felt welcome in her home. I came to realize that I couldn’t expect her to know what she didn’t know–AND the challenge that comes with people like her not being able to learn different perspectives. Her view of the world was vastly different than mine (like, I recall being five or six and my mom leaving a cart full of groceries at the counter because she had maxed out credit cards after losing her job).
This is not to excuse this kind of behavior. Just to add perspective. These CAN (notice the emphasis on can) be good people, but are just so completely unaware of their privileges that when a journalist asks them “what’s the secret?” and they don’t bring up their heritage and connections, it might not be because they’re lying to us; it might be because they genuinely cannot see those things.
I will also add that, after those years around such people, I came to feel sort of sorry for them. Their vision of the world was as narrow as the trailer park rednecks I knew. Many of them had traveled all over the world, but hadn’t really SEEN it, y’know. They were so closed off to the wider world that they couldn’t enjoy anything that wasn’t “safe.”
I once worked with a guy who I would describe as “very colonial British”. He would probably be ~70 years old now and was telling stories from his childhood in Hong Kong and Philippines. Stories of racism and privilege that he treated like something completely natural.
So one time he told a story about his friend’s son that was such a great businessmen and managed to build a big company all by himself. He supposedly had a small company making bags and managed to grow it by:
All by himself you see. Great businessman.
I totally agree with you. Those people really don’t see this as privilege, they think this is how everyone does things. The infuriating part that you have a lot of people among them that realize how bad this looks so they pay think tanks and media to push stories about “job creators” and how everything would collapse without those people.
I’ve seen this with my own parents. Mortgage paid off fully, so even in their 30k/year agency job, they’re still earning more than me after I pay rent. I don’t fault them for not understanding my financial struggles, or why I work the crazy hours that I do.
The world changed, but they didn’t, they untethered themselves from its harsher edges by simple merit of owning property back when it was cheap to do so.
And I think that’s the ultimate divider. If you own your source of shelter and maybe even food, you can happily survive the rest of your life doing nothing.