Dealing with depression, as the psych visits that prescribe me my anti-depressants have become too expensive for me, even with insurance. Over $200 a month in co-pay is beyond absurd. Right now I’m still on my meds, but every day I feel tired, alone, and defeated.
Meanwhile people around me are making friends, getting married, and buying houses, and there’s not enough distractions in the world to keep me from feeling worse and worse about myself whenever I think about their small fortunes. Comparing one’s self to others is a surefire way to feel like shit, and normally the anti-depressants help keep me from it. But even my girlfriend’s buying a house (we’re polyamorous, she lives with her husband) so now I can’t even think of her without feeling awful about myself, as I sit in my registered low-income, mouse-infested, studio apartment. She’s the only friend that lives close enough for me to visit, and I can’t even enjoy that.
The one good thing going for me is that the kids I work with love me. Normally, that can sustain me, but then I hear my coworkers making plans to hang out together (which I’m never invited to do) and I go back into the spiral of self-hatred that makes me wonder, “What is it about me that makes people not want to invite me?” I’m told that I’m friendly, that I’m funny, and it seems that people genuinely like me. But I’m not asked to do things. Never. What’s that about? Is there some red flag on my back that I can’t see?
Organize going out and invite them. If they all say no, go out anyway, spend a little time out, and don’t sweat it. Organize again. They will eventually both go with you and invite you to their stuff. That’s more or less how society works.
Yeah it sounds easy, but I don’t know how to do that. People always flake on me, even when I organized a birthday party a month in advance and picked a time/date that’s supposed to work for everyone and checked a week before to make sure everyone was still planning to come. I still ended up alone, until I told people on the day-of that everyone bailed, and I guess four people felt bad enough about it to come over. It felt like a literal pity party.
I’d say people are too flaky, but maybe they just don’t care about me enough. Which leads me to struggle between, “Fine, I don’t care about them either,” and “My god, I’m so lonely.”
There’s this app I found called Meetups which shows me events in my city where I can go to meet people with similar interests and goals and just be out of the house. It helps, the less coup’d up I am the less I’m on social media the better I feel. I thought maybe this could help.
Dealing with depression, as the psych visits that prescribe me my anti-depressants have become too expensive for me, even with insurance. Over $200 a month in co-pay is beyond absurd. Right now I’m still on my meds, but every day I feel tired, alone, and defeated.
Meanwhile people around me are making friends, getting married, and buying houses, and there’s not enough distractions in the world to keep me from feeling worse and worse about myself whenever I think about their small fortunes. Comparing one’s self to others is a surefire way to feel like shit, and normally the anti-depressants help keep me from it. But even my girlfriend’s buying a house (we’re polyamorous, she lives with her husband) so now I can’t even think of her without feeling awful about myself, as I sit in my registered low-income, mouse-infested, studio apartment. She’s the only friend that lives close enough for me to visit, and I can’t even enjoy that.
The one good thing going for me is that the kids I work with love me. Normally, that can sustain me, but then I hear my coworkers making plans to hang out together (which I’m never invited to do) and I go back into the spiral of self-hatred that makes me wonder, “What is it about me that makes people not want to invite me?” I’m told that I’m friendly, that I’m funny, and it seems that people genuinely like me. But I’m not asked to do things. Never. What’s that about? Is there some red flag on my back that I can’t see?
So anyway, yeah. Not doing great.
Organize going out and invite them. If they all say no, go out anyway, spend a little time out, and don’t sweat it. Organize again. They will eventually both go with you and invite you to their stuff. That’s more or less how society works.
Yeah it sounds easy, but I don’t know how to do that. People always flake on me, even when I organized a birthday party a month in advance and picked a time/date that’s supposed to work for everyone and checked a week before to make sure everyone was still planning to come. I still ended up alone, until I told people on the day-of that everyone bailed, and I guess four people felt bad enough about it to come over. It felt like a literal pity party.
I’d say people are too flaky, but maybe they just don’t care about me enough. Which leads me to struggle between, “Fine, I don’t care about them either,” and “My god, I’m so lonely.”
There’s this app I found called Meetups which shows me events in my city where I can go to meet people with similar interests and goals and just be out of the house. It helps, the less coup’d up I am the less I’m on social media the better I feel. I thought maybe this could help.