Sure, love is blind and different people have different reasons, but it’d be really interesting to find out there also happens to be a “bang-the-pathetic-one” gene.
One side of it is the vulnerability and embarrassment. Like, swap the genders and you’ve got the old-school “ditzy secretary” trope, “Oh no, I spilled coffee all over your important papers! You’re not mad at me are you?” There’s probably no specific gene anymore than there’s a “attracted to ditzy secretary” gene.
There can be other dynamics at play with the way men tend to put on fronts. Guy fails at something, the front drops, they’re suddenly in unfamiliar territory, you’re seeing a side they don’t show to the world. You can see how they handle stress, like do they throw the controller or do they get mopey or what, it can show emotional maturity.
Unearned confidence or overconfidence can also be hot. Like, guy who isn’t actually that good at anything but believes in himself 100% and bounces back from disappointment always looking to prove himself and show off, there’s something kind of endearing about that, and it might make them more approachable and relatable than someone who’s actually just good at everything.
Basically there’s a lot of stuff it can tap into and the D/s dynamic is often a big factor but not necessarily the only one.
my ex said that my attempts at savoir faire were endearing and that she just liked that I was okay with not being the smartest or funniest person in the room. I assume to attract that type you have to embody this kind of energy? she might have been entirety unique in what she wanted or saw in me.
but she did also say there is a genuine thing where some women just fuck a guy out of pity, so maybe I was one of those. there also was discourse a few years back before covid about whether pathetic dudes are more loyal because they see their partners as gods or if the confidence goes to their ego and they get notions after the first taste of any positive attention. either way, seems like a risky gamble
I feel you, dude. I’ve got autism and trying to gauge people for what kind of vibe is going to land is insanely difficult. internet dating helped me so much back before it went to shit. I feel pretty lost now
Yeah, I’m at the point where I just assume the vibe will never land, so I don’t even try to interact with people anymore. Hence I get all my social interaction on lemmy.
Am I pathetic enough yet? Or have I blown so far past the threshold that it’s just sad to watch?
I think your story isn’t over yet. maybe because I’m hoping mine isn’t either, but also our lives are seldom just a single straight line to ultimate failure.
until you reach that point, have a hug 🫂 we contain multitudes of possibility and I hope you get to encounter something new about yourself soon
I’m not looking it up, but there was a thing I remember seeing a little while ago that there literally is a biological motive towards women seeking out men with pathetic traits.
It’s to do with seeking out potential partners that are either submissive or dominant, depending on what you’re into. It’s a non specific to gender desire to form a pairing with a clear dominant party. I don’t think it’s universal or anything, but it’s something people are into.
Pretty sure I saw this through a look into why women are into waterboy from dispatch actually.
Is there a pattern to people like this?
Sure, love is blind and different people have different reasons, but it’d be really interesting to find out there also happens to be a “bang-the-pathetic-one” gene.
One side of it is the vulnerability and embarrassment. Like, swap the genders and you’ve got the old-school “ditzy secretary” trope, “Oh no, I spilled coffee all over your important papers! You’re not mad at me are you?” There’s probably no specific gene anymore than there’s a “attracted to ditzy secretary” gene.
There can be other dynamics at play with the way men tend to put on fronts. Guy fails at something, the front drops, they’re suddenly in unfamiliar territory, you’re seeing a side they don’t show to the world. You can see how they handle stress, like do they throw the controller or do they get mopey or what, it can show emotional maturity.
Unearned confidence or overconfidence can also be hot. Like, guy who isn’t actually that good at anything but believes in himself 100% and bounces back from disappointment always looking to prove himself and show off, there’s something kind of endearing about that, and it might make them more approachable and relatable than someone who’s actually just good at everything.
Basically there’s a lot of stuff it can tap into and the D/s dynamic is often a big factor but not necessarily the only one.
my ex said that my attempts at savoir faire were endearing and that she just liked that I was okay with not being the smartest or funniest person in the room. I assume to attract that type you have to embody this kind of energy? she might have been entirety unique in what she wanted or saw in me.
but she did also say there is a genuine thing where some women just fuck a guy out of pity, so maybe I was one of those. there also was discourse a few years back before covid about whether pathetic dudes are more loyal because they see their partners as gods or if the confidence goes to their ego and they get notions after the first taste of any positive attention. either way, seems like a risky gamble
That’s funny, because whenever I try to be self-deprecating, women just call me insufferable…
gotta know your audience, you know there isn’t one thing that everyone finds attractive
You’re right, I’ll just learn how to be a mind reader before I make any attempts at humor
theres a big difference in being self depricating and making light about sucking at something.
Which one is the socially acceptable one?
making light…
you see that (missed) shot? haha nba here I come!
its funny cuz you missed.
And how is that different from self-deprecation?
I feel you, dude. I’ve got autism and trying to gauge people for what kind of vibe is going to land is insanely difficult. internet dating helped me so much back before it went to shit. I feel pretty lost now
Yeah, I’m at the point where I just assume the vibe will never land, so I don’t even try to interact with people anymore. Hence I get all my social interaction on lemmy.
Am I pathetic enough yet? Or have I blown so far past the threshold that it’s just sad to watch?
I think your story isn’t over yet. maybe because I’m hoping mine isn’t either, but also our lives are seldom just a single straight line to ultimate failure.
until you reach that point, have a hug 🫂 we contain multitudes of possibility and I hope you get to encounter something new about yourself soon
Thanks, I’ll bottle up that positivity for when someone else needs it. I know I can’t use it
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I’m not looking it up, but there was a thing I remember seeing a little while ago that there literally is a biological motive towards women seeking out men with pathetic traits.
It’s to do with seeking out potential partners that are either submissive or dominant, depending on what you’re into. It’s a non specific to gender desire to form a pairing with a clear dominant party. I don’t think it’s universal or anything, but it’s something people are into.
Pretty sure I saw this through a look into why women are into waterboy from dispatch actually.