i used to feel this way about a lot of stuff. most of it comes from my parents constantly moving the bar for acceptable achievement. everything i did, like literally everything, there was a minimum of performance they expected and if i was able to exceed it that became the new bar. you can only do that to a kid so many times before they learn trying isnt worth the effort. i only ever tried at things i really liked and wanted to try to be the best at, but i would beat the shit out of myself for not being the best and would only ever feel relief at my achievements.

somewhat recently i started getting more into climbing, and the approach ive taken is that im not really trying to get better. if i have fun and get tired i consider that a good session, and a great session is one where i socialize with someone. its been so much more fun approaching it this way than any other way ive done sports. some days i deliberately half ass it, giving up when things get just a little too hard or just going home if im not feeling it. the best part is despite not giving it my all im getting a lot better because im showing up consistently and just enjoying the puzzle of a new route. i wish my parents had cultivated this approach in me as a kid. i would have had such a healthier relationship with sports and probably would have ended up doing better than i did and not quit quite as early.