To everyone saying this is creepy. At what age would you allow a woman to choose her own partner?
A woman… CHOOSING???
Age gaps are fine.
The only people that don’t like them and pego jacket others are gross sub humans that nobody wants.
Plenty of idiots in Reddit approved relationships that cheat, abuse each other, are toxic, etc.
If a 38 year old dude and his 20 year old Filipina can make it work, then it works.
Go away ugly person with opinions seasoned with jealousy.
So true
Plenty of idiots in Reddit approved relationships that cheat, abuse each other, are toxic, etc
And so true.
Some redditors for whatever reason also go on reddit just to try and get strangers to break up (r/relationshipadvice r/AITA)
“He went out with his friends on a Friday night like you both agreed he would? Massive red flag, get a lawyer.”
I never understood why age gaps are a big deal past 18
My mind is more like +21. 18 is a wee baby. Realistically after 25 it is truly irrelevant.
21-25 is the prime “people think they are in charge but lying to themselves” years and idk, easy to trick i suppose.
21-25 is the prime “people think they are in charge but lying to themselves” years and idk, easy to trick i suppose.
Do you think if society was structured differently (i.e pre-adult education was actually deemed useful and allowed people to get job relevant skills) that age range would move down?
The idea that 21-25 are easily tricked by older people rings true but I’m also thinking there’s a lot of things about current society that infantilises those people, or rather, gets them to actually immaturity and see themselves as immature
People like to criticize a power imbalance based on where someone is in life based off of age/maturity, because with age comes experience, and the argument is you can’t have a fair and balanced relationship if the people aren’t equal.
So i get that. But every aspect of society encourages it so it’s kind of bullshit. In truth vurtually no relationship is 100% balanced in every way.
Someone a little older than the other? Power imbalance through life experience and maturity.
Someone a little wealthier than the other? Power imbalance through financial portfolio and personal solvency.
Someone a different race than the other? Power imbalance because of racial profiling in society, and how laws/grants/conditions may apply differently at home or abroad.
Someone healthier than the other? Power imbalance through healthcare needs medical liabilities.
Someone simply smarter than the other? Power imbalance because the smarter partner will naturally have an upper hand in the relationship.
Just because a relationship has imbalance doesn’t means both people can’t be into each other and take care of a joint life together.
Yeah, all those are really good points.
I def have a knee-jerk reaction when I see early 20’s friends (let’s be real: female friends) dating middle aged folks (again, being real, middle aged males) to be wary about the relationship. But intellectually, the conclusion I come to is that its fine.
I do specifically agree that the other people focusing on an age based power imbalance feels like they’d also be calling for you to only date in your income bracket, and then also to only date someone who’s as physically fit as you, which then leads to well you should only date someone of your race and/or ethnicity.
Something, something, slippery slope argument. But it is logically comparable.
If you are over 30 you should understand. I work with a lot of young people and their vulnerability is 100% obvious to anyone with a moral compass.
Sute they can be smart, witty and intelligent even tough but there is absolutely a power imbalance. I talk a lot with them and it is insane how much differnce there is between us and how much they trust us older people and believe us. It would be very easy to manipulate them, even on accident.
I am sure there are some relationships with a bigger gap that aren’t predatory but in general it absolutely is a red flag.
It would be very easy to manipulate them, even on accident.
And this, folks, is why teachers have “teacher voice” and don’t go off-topic during class, tutoring, counselling, etc
You can become a bad influence on accident.
Other commenter s keep going on about a power gap and how easy it is to manipulate younger folks.
Yo, I don’t know what early 20’s people y’all interact with, but upwards of 50+% of the people I work with are 21-26 and gonna say this is patently false. Labeling them all as easily manipulatable or saying they lack the means to make ends meet feels like some kind of paternalistic ageism.
These young whipper snappers might be annoying with their mog maxxing and 6-7s and shit, but they’re also whole ass adults.
There’s a good chance it’s not going to work. The wider the age gap, typically the less the couple will be able to relate to each other. My opinion is they should know about and accept the potential for problems going in or they’re going to learn the hard way.
That being said, if they’re both adults it’s nobody’s business but theirs.
Because it’s still really gross if a 50yo man is dating a 18yo girl. 18yo are really quite childish still, behaviour, decision making. 18 just happens to be the legal threshold in most places, but imo it only gets not weird at 25 or older dating whatever old age, than it’s really just two adults
This is the rule. I honestly can’t really fault it, it just feels right for so many different ages
EDIT: also go to any comment where someone lists an age gap experience that felt wrong, you’ll see that they weren’t following the 1/2 age + 7 rule. Not that that’s a crime, just that it’s a guide to a safe and happy love life
I never really understood that too. Then when i was like 35, i met this girl on tinder who was 26. I always thought she was just too young. But it was nice talking to her. Just before we met, she confessed that she was actually 22. I thought it was rude to just blow her off and we met anyway. And oh boy was it weird. It was likt hanging out with an actual child. We talk different, and she was really immature, but in a different way that i was, her stories were only interesting when you just finished school. The list goes on and on. The only upside was that i look really young and she looked older. I really started questioning people being into much younger people.
I think it’s more about life stage than age. Like say she hadn’t gone to college and had gotten into the work force at 18, and was now 4 years in to your same industry. You both had the same job, common references, etc. You’d still have some cultural differences but you’d likely be in a much more similar place in your life. It would make more sense then imo. I think a big part of what makes it weird is just how different your lives are. Which is why the same age gap at like 32 and 45 probably wouldn’t be a big deal.
Yup. When I was younger, it made me mad, I thought older people wrote me off as dumb. Now that I’m older, I understand it’s really just having different needs, goals, and experiences. You can be really smart and wise, have deep comprehension of things around you, but still be out of “sync” with people in different age brackets. It’s not just dating either - friendships, working relationships, time with family members, etc.
It’s not monolithic, just what I’ve noticed.
I feel like this isn’t so much of an age thing actually and more about where you are in life. I started studying relatively late and ended up hanging around with people 5-10 years younger than me, but because we were all students we had something in common and got along well. However, I have very little in common with people my age, they’re all getting married and have children and talk about buying houses and so on and I can’t relate to any of that.
I go by
(age/2)+7.For 27 that would be 20.5
100 could date a 57 year old. 12 yo a 13 yo but not a 12 yo.
Works perfectly.
What the rule is saying there is that a 12 year old shouldn’t date, because that region of the graph is actually outside of the lower and upper bounds, which intercept (cross) at “14 years old” on the x axis
Or you could interpret the UB and LB as having swapped, in which case 12’s LB is (-7, ×2) =10 years old.
I’m 32 and if a 23 year old asked me out I’d say “Aren’t you adorable?”, pat her head and send her on her way.
That’s a college student. Who came up with this math? 😆 It does not compute.
EDIT: This is not a comment on younger people’s intelligence, of course. I love how much more progressive and bright the generation after mine is (at least in my country). But yea, I’m much more likely to take someone in their 20s under my wing than out to dinner!
The big issue that remains after 18 is power disparity. A 40 year old with a stable career, savings, a house, etc has way more power in the relationship than someone who is still in college and has no real resources of their own as an example.
It’s really easy for a bad actor to isolate and abuse a younger partner to the point where it’s near impossible for them to leave because they have nothing to fall back on. Doesn’t mean it happens every time, but that’s inherently why people get pretty leery of age gaps like that even after 18. Because they can be used to trap people in abusive relationships and leave them with little choice but to rely on their abuser.
By that logic, isn’t it just as problematic when both parties are 40 but there’s a significant salary imbalance between them? Even more so when the lower-earning partner has something else to keep them stuck, like their own dependent children.
Yes it can be predatory people that age don’t go for other 40 year olds, they go for the younglings.
When the person with money is old,fragile and mentally declining a young person could also be a predator.
Mentally challenged people could be in a vulnerable position all of their life.
Many relationships can be predatory/manipulative/toxic problematic age gap relationships are just very common and obvious. Also if you are 40 dating as young as legally possible you would probably go younger and thats creepy as fuck.
When the person with money is old,fragile and mentally declining a young person could also be a predator.
Basically the definition of a gold-digger - young attractive person marries someone wealthy but frail in the hopes that they die and they get the inheritance.
They conditioned people to extrapolate age gaps to come to an accusation instead of looking at actual cases.
wasn’t this just nonsense shit made up and reported to the fbi by randoms?
No.
looks like it to me
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-sex-parties-fbi-tip/
Where does it say that it’s “just nonsense shit made up”?
i duno man sounds like american shit to me you figure it out
Then why did you bother commenting if you don’t know?
That’s borderline, depends on how long they’ve been dating.
Yeah, complaining about this in a 10 year long established relationship is totally unreasonable, but I’d be worried if they’d only just started dating
Are you fucking joking? If it was a 10 year long established relationship it would have started when the older one was 17 and the younger one was 10. Your saying that would be JUST DANDY?! I’m glad it’s a newer relationship! Got no problem with it. If someone said it was a 10 year long relationship I’d be extremely concerned.
Whoosh. Idk how much more of an obvious joke someone could make. Reminds me of one.
I took my girlfriend out for our anniversary one time, but we kept getting funny looks at the restaurant cuz Im 30 but she’s only 23. So we left. Cuz I’ll be dammed if I let people ruin our 10 year anniversary.
It was clearly a joke IMO
In the nicest way to Anon, it may not be paedophilic, but 27 dating 20 is still sus as fuck.
Sure, the older you are the less the age gap matters - like nobody would look at an 80 year old weirdly for dating a 70 year old.
… but at 20 years old, a 7 year age gap is 1/3 of their lifespan apart. That’s a fucking lot!
Its still not pedophilia though and while i agree with you on principle, YOU DO NOT BLAST ANYONE FOR BEEING A PEDOPHILE WHEN THEY ARE DATING AN ADULT PERSON.
Biological age != emotional age.
I have seen 36yo acting like 16yo. They have access to alcohol and are seen as an adult.
I have also seen 16yo acting like 36yo. Usually caused by trauma. They get pushed out of childhood or adolescence forcefully. It will cause major issues in their lifes, but they are emotionally very mature.
There is a reason why in many places the age of consent is 16yo. However, this does not mean that their brain is fully developed until they reach 25yo. That means, a smart, older person can certainly abuse a 16yo into thinking she gave consent. And this is the type of relationship that is toxic.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to the older person and if they used any psychological tricks or not. If not, let them enjoy the experience. They both know what is best for them.
However, this does not mean that their brain is fully developed until they reach 25yo.
There is no age when the brain is “fully developed”. This myth comes from a study that showed the brain continued developing into adulthood, and the oldest participants were 25. The brain continues developing for basically your whole life.
Based
Objectively not paedophilic, and only *possibly sus. It all depends on mental and emotional maturity. Only after a certain age of course, an undeveloped brain isn’t going to be able to understand how mature they are, so any notion of maturity would be from an outside influence and it would be inherently unethical to attribute that to the childs actual maturity and try to start a relationship. However, after a certain age you’re likely going to be mature enough to make your own decisions, and for most people this ends up being around 18. That is to say, I’ve met people much older who I don’t think should be allowed to make their own decisions, for the sake of themselves and others. However, I have also met younger people(still referring to over 18 though) much more mature and mentally stable than most others I’ve encountered. All this to say, if they’re both competent adults then stfu and mind your own business.
I accidentally dated a 19yo when I was 29… She told me she was 25, everything pointed towards that being true (she had lived away from her parents for several years, had a full time job, looked the part, on a surface level acted the part etc.)
Yes, I ended the relationship (while she tried to twist it around to her being the one who is ending it, which is childish) when I found out.
I’m now very keen on getting factual age with proof and generally go for same age or older than me. Never again, I felt so fucking disgusting.
So she acted the part, looked the part, and you liked her… But somehow you don’t want to be with her just because of age?
Wtf…
Sorry, but that’s a pretty big lie in my book. If she was upfront about it, that’s one thing. And if she was willing to lie about that, what other lies are there? OP was right to break it off.
That was just dumb of you. Putting so much weight into just a number. Throwing away a potentially good relationship just cos of a number. Guess she dodged a bullet.
Yeah, someone who lies about something fundamental is definitely a good partner.
Half your age plus 7.
27 -> 20.5. Yup. Too big of a gap.
Ha! Your life experiences fall apart when confronted with my arbitrary schema I saw on a meme.
It also comes from the most milquetoast sit com in existence.
May I introduce my 80 year old grandfather and his 47 year old wife. Yes, she changes his diapers. Why do you ask?
At least when someone gets outed as a pedophile on 4chan they usually are instead of just having a slight age gap
When someone gets outed as a pedophile on 4chan it’s usually OP who is the pedophile.
