Bing is for porn.

You haven’t switched yet? What the hell are you waiting for?

Thank you for giving me so much attention. Makes me feel special.

Hey, your analysis checks out!

You sound like an American.

What makes you think I don’t want to. Anyone who is sucking down air should be wanting to intervene. Not everyone has the capability and support to actually do it. I certainly don’t. Stewart does.

If he knew two years ago what he knows today, I have no doubt that he would have stepped up.

I like Jon but don’t believe celebrities should run for office.

Why?

I mean, my racist grandfather said similar about Obama.

He’s also repeatedly said he has no interest in years past.

Years past, we all thought other people would step up to do the job. With the state of the world today, he might just be convinced that he needs to be the change he wants to see.

It’s a pipe dream, right up until the time that it isn’t.

Turn your criticism-gun toward Stewart. What have you got on him? Why shouldn’t he be president?

Love Stephen, but no. Walz, AOC, one of the Kellys, maybe.

Bernie is too fucking old. He was too old for the presidency 12 years ago.

AOC is too fucking young, and the moderates hate her. She has less of a chance than Harris did. She also suffers the same issue Hillary did: the GOP has been running against her for a decade already. They’ve poisoned the well on her something fierce. She would make an excellent VP, but she doesn’t have the chops to win the presidency herself.

Mamdani is ineligible to run for president, and you must have seen how much opposition he faces even from his own party. Even if he could run, he doesn’t have a chance on the national stage.

Stewart comes prepackaged with 10,000 sound bites tearing apart the GOP on every issue they’ve ever raised.

Scott Kelly and Mark Kelly (twins, both were Navy Captains, both were Astronauts, one is now a Senator from Arizona) would be good, but they aren’t progressive enough.

Who else?

You put Jon Stewart in the White House, hire his writing staff into the west wing, and we’ll have Universal Healthcare in 6 months.

I’m waiting for the insane part.

Name one American politician you respect more than Jon Stewart.

Hey. Shut up.

Trump has done exactly one thing right. He has united his entire party to accomplish their goals. They’re utter shit goals by utter shit people, but they’re accomplishing exactly what they set out to do.

Name one candidate who could do that better than Jon Stewart.

What does any of that have to do with the fact that Trump fucked kids?

I would point out that you probably have access to a chainsaw and a tree, and a scrappable vehicle made primarily of steel. These are things that the typical 18th century French peasant didn’t have.

So, you’re saying we do need the files before we drag out the guillotines?

We don’t actually need the files to eject the occupant of the whitehouse from that residence. I mean, We The People are in charge. We just have to decide to do it.