Scissoring is when women smash clams and the runs is when you’re pissing out of your asshole.

Could you imagine the confusion if Trump died that day?

Lemmy: Everyone you know are privacy obsessed queer furry communist linux enthusiast programmers.

I can’t remember the last time I blacked out.

I like it when daddy america dominates me by forcing me to pay taxes like the dirty little slut I am.

My laundry basket broke right after my wife left me.

I’m still waiting for the third bad thing to happen.

Putin and Xi Jinping aren’t dictators they are leaders of glorious communist countries.

That’s as dumb as cleaning your microwave when the heat sanitizes it every cycle.

Should be at least three fingers.

Your dad.

Personally I’m glad Patty Murray is showing their balls for once.

I bet only one or two of us held our dad’s fleshlights.

Slow and gentle is for pussies hard and fast is the way to go here.

I don’t get it are you planning on dumping a fifth margarita on her face?

Don’t you realize how expensive those things are these days?

When the rocky theme starts you know you’re about to get your ass whooped.

If you buy a six pack of coke does that count as one or six?

If you buy six individual cans of coke does that count for six?

They have apps for both those things these days.

That’s a million times better than that abomination above.

But you could I’ve heard you’re a legend in this kitchen.

Hey I get knocked down but I get up again.