I didn’t expect it to end this way 😭. This is freaking heartbreaking

CW: Infodump 😆

I know this is totally different, but this hits home for several reasons for me:

  • I have a bf who loves me unconditionally
  • I cannot have his kids
  • He’s twice my age, 20 years between us. Obviously, I age like anyone else, but the implication is there…I don’t even want to think about that
  • I’m insecure as fuck and also need constant reassurance, lol
  • He never stops loving me, no matter what
  • He makes me blush (and wet) :3

I dread the fact that I’m so much younger. I hate it. I don’t even want to consider outlasting my bf as a real option…

When we were discussing me having SRS and I managed to convince him that it was something I wanted and needed, he pulled out a really serious subject.
He started saying things, like that I was on a good path in life and that if something was ever to happen to him…that I should live on happily and find someone to love me again…
And that was the only time I can remember becoming hysteric instantly, mid-sentence, from 0 to 100 in a split second.

I’m really not ready to go through that…so I’ll do my best for him. So that he’s healthy and happy and satisfied. I want him to stick around as long as possible…

  • alapakala@quokk.auEnglish
    102·
    11 hours ago

    We tried adopting, but we couldn’t find a child who’s comfortable with what I am or look

    jk: skill issue💅
    石决明 picnic⏳🎨📺

    re Infodump

    I hope that wasn’t operationphobia, just envision outlooks. If the latter, it’s a good concern to have. I don’t believe partners should be tied to one person, or forever. I am polyeros, & I can’t see myself withholding my partners from finding someone better after I am gone, or during our ship. I don’t mind age gaps, so long as the theory of prudence (ToP) is well developed. (I’ve been an ojii/obacon all my life) It’s “I need to wear protection. If I still get pregnant, I know how to abort. If I know I can carry, I need to take all my vaccines. I have to prepare to waste 18+ years to ensure they develop ToP, & can emotionally live w/out me. Etc…” & sometimes the leverage gaps: “Can they bribe me, power me, threaten me, abuse me, exploit me, manipulate me, gaslight me, harass me, isolate me, disenfranchise me, etc.?” With the amount of abuses I’ve experienced, manipulators of my trust has been weaker than a skin flake.😔
    mrl