Make sure to use Poison Ivy to wipe your ass.
do we not jettison it against a tree like other humans? this effectively marks human territory and sends a clear message to other humans that “this is my home”.
A literal shitpost. Splendid.
Stop mixing it with broken glass and tossing it at other people’s eyes. That’s step one.
Eat it.
I prefer to smear it all around on my face like camouflage.
tl;dr: dig a hole or carry it around in a bag. Saved you a lot of words.
A folding shovel is a must have in a car! I have dug my car out of so much snow and mud! Also good for burring your poo or a dead hooker.
Wait what?
I’ve tried carrying a hole around in a bag but the darn thing always seems to get lost when it comes time to use it.
Rookie mistake. You have to be sure to use the whole bag. Anything less won’t work.
Wait … we’re not carrying around our bag in our hole now? Am I doing this wrong?
I pack gallon bags in my back-country camping kit so logistics may be a challenge. Could leave the tent and sleeping bag behind in order to fit a sufficient volume of fiber and make it work though. Thanks for the tip!
You should get a bag of holding
DO NOT use a bag of holding for this, you will regret it.
Yeah, you gotta get the bag of holeding instead
Or a bag of whole dung
You need a bag of whole dung, not a bag of holding!
*bag of holing
*portable hole
Portal gun?
Just be mindful of where the exit is.
If you get a hold of such a bag, one with a whole hole in its hold, whatever you do, don’t place a whole other bag of holing with a hole in it, inside it.
The thought of turning a bag of holding inside out to dump out its contents when it was used exclusively as a toilet is horrifying
You obviously have to plant it in the ground first, silly!
Be careful which hole you do this with. Some are invasive and it can wreak havoc on your environment.
A Lemmy switcharoo? Rare find!
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A 15cm (6 inch) deep hole 30m (100 feet) from the trail or water.
Make sure to know which direction the trail is when walking 30 m away from it. People died following this rule. Well, I know of one person that died because of it.
Will someone tell the animals ?
You are supposed to cover the hole with a relatively heavy rock to deter animals from digging it back up.
He meant to tell animals not to shit less then 30m from the trail.
There’s a lot of bad shit in our poop that isn’t in most wild animal shit.
Particularly transmissible diseases for other humans.
Also we’re visitors.
At least in major watersheds the primary reason for picking up dog poop is because of the insane nitrogen content of the insane amounts of dog poop that’s generated. The environment isn’t ready for that influx.
Potential disease vector is 2, then it’s icky gross is 3
Spicy surprise
Thanks! Now I finally know How To Shit In The Woods
Congrats, you’re one step closer to the papacy
Is there a way to poop outdoors in a way that will harm my enemies?
Leave it less than six feet away from where they commonly walk around barefoot and they could get hookworm. If I remember the Radio Lab correctly anyway.
don’t i have to have hookworm to give it to someone?
Yeah, maybe…unfortunately my only advice is to walk around in or near feces until you get some hookworm, because that’s all I know about them. And I’m using the word “know” very loosely.
If your enemies happen to get their drinking water from a well, there is. Contaminate the groundwater supply and enemies will be harmed. You can also poop upstream of a river or stream if that’s where they drink from. Bonus points if you get some tapeworms first.
You go through all that effort just to find RFK Jr taking his grandkids swimming in it.
I poop in the middle of the trail I am hiking to assert dominance over the other hikers
I poop on top of other poops in the middle of the trail. This is my forest, and I got a lot of poop to prove it.
I like to poop upstream of water collection points.
Are you a horse?
No of course not!
I like to swallow those dinosaur sponges that come in a pill shape, having full on dinosaurs in your scat asserts dominance.
Personally I do it around the outskirts of my camp to mark my territory.
If you come to Colorado DO NOT dig cat holes. Our environment will not decompose your waste before someone else needs to dig one.
WAG bag, every time. They are not expensive.
leave. no. trace.
edit: #2, I don’t think #1 is going to do much to the environment, just don’t pee in the creek. Unless you’re upstream from Coors it’ll make the beer taste better.
I shit just fine in CO with holes. Year after year I even watched some of my shit spots grow beautiful flowers.
You don’t own Colorado and it was there long before you. It will be there long after you. Remote forests handle our shit just fine. Dig deep enough and away from the trail or water, near some plants, and they will gobble it up no problem. The number of human hikers in remote places is minuscule.
A bit wild to demand people shit in synthetic plastic bags they have to purchase and dump them in a landfill. “Leave no trace – except the giant plastic waste sites scarring the landscape everywhere”
Now if you’re talking park trails and other heavily populated places? That’s different. It also isn’t “Colorado” it is a specific sub-specification.
I call them poop bags
I used to use a bread bag but I’m not supposed to put those in the vault toilets. The WAG bag is supposedly compostable and has a gel in it so your waste doesn’t get in your pack. They are definitely cool.
Yeah I use the WAG bags but WAG doesn’t sound cool. “Poop bag” or “shit bag” sounds much better
And everyone needs a good set of heel rocks.
I appreciate the suggestion. I’m not in Colorado but the heat waves we’ve been getting in Washington have the made the normally soft soil into something that cannot be dug into without some serious tools. My ultralight trowel cannot do a thing to this stuff.
Keeping a couple of these bags in my kit is a great idea.
Is that because of the high altitude?
It’s very dry in most of the state so getting composting moving along can take some effort
If it is very dry, doesn’t that also mean it is less likely to spread/leak into the aquifer?
E.g. dried cow-manure seems to be fine for the environment to handle.
It’s because herbivore shit is usually fine. Like you and I could have a shit-fight with horse poop and not get sick. Please don’t, and especially please don’t have a shit-fight with omnivore or even many carnivore shits.
Have the animals been informed of this ?
Well since you don’t seem to understand, I would challenge you to hold a healthy human shit in one hand and a healthy carnivore shit in the other hand. I guess you’re going to need to use your mouth for a herbivore shit but just compare the three.
Are you having a stroke?
The answer is a kilt. Prove me wrong.
Edit to add: the fact I have to choose ‘English’ and cannot choose ‘Scottish’ makes me want to stab some cunt in the face with a tattie scone.
tattie scone
Checks out.
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I love the combo of this blog’s subject with its domain name.
I sent it to several friends and asked them “Have you had ‘The Conversation’ with your loved ones?”
Good, wouldn’t want what happened on Cimbrean to happen here…
#FreeThePoop
Get the BoglerCo trowel
