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I see people badmouthing this but it sounds like a case of 1. It’s easy to forget and stop seeing the beauty that you see every day and 2. A lighthearted corporate goal stated to try to get people to come together and just take a moment to appreciate some of nature’s beauty
I see what they tried to go for, but enforcing stuff like that is not good. Because forced good feelings always just do the opposite.
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the beatings will continue until appreciation improves.
The river brings life. The river brings prosperity.
Just spam “from the river to the sea” all day every day.
You have to be kind of a fucked up person if you can’t appreciate the river.
Rotting in the mines is probably where you belong if you can’t appreciate the river.
Just say “Water wet” every time they ask you to fill the quota
she doesn’t like being forced to do asinine tasks from a dough brain and at least in the mines your doing something productive and not being a stupid idler like all of society has devolved into lately. a lot of the comment on here suggest that a fair few people either didn’t get that
“Imagine diving down to the bottom, expelling all the air from your lungs, and just waiting for the river’s sweet embrace to take you. I hear it’s a surprisingly peaceful way to go. I yearn for that with all my being. Monday mornings, eh? Do these windows open?”
You need help.
We all do
Later during performance review:
“I noticed you are having issues staying on task; you need to minimize the distractions around you to make sure this doesn’t become problematic for work”
This is being hyperbolic, but at least the lordes and tyrants of the past used to just steal your food or murder you.
These modern replacements like playing with their food.
That’s… actually kinda cute? I mean, it has a Michael Scott vibe to it? Like he’s trying really hard to get them to appreciate the river? I believe I might be overusing the questionmark? Oh my god I can’t stop? Send help?
Depending on the situation, might be related to rto
Where?
The river, the one with all the ducks.
What kind of boat do you suppose that is?
Ngl I would have a ball with this.
“Hey boss you excited for the beginning of trout spawning season?”
“Did anyone else see that body float by a minute ago?”
“I think we could drown whoever came up with this dumb idea in this nicer river!”
A friend told me that as part of a “team bonding exercise” they were asked to sing one of their favorite songs with the lyrics re-worded about their job or company and I am so thankful that this bullshit hasn’t spread to my country yet.
うっせぇうっせぇうっせぇわ
うっせぇうっせぇうっせぇわ
私が俗に言う天才ですFits perfectly.
There are so many songs from the labor movement that can easily be modified for the modern office environment, I’m sure your boss will love it.
🎵 You write 16 reports and what do you get
🎵 Another day older and deeper in debtor
🎵 My dad was an accountant and I’m an accountants son
🎵 And I’ll stick with the union till every battle 's won…
🎵 I know a task that gets on everybody’s nerves…🎵
🎵Why does this meeting never end🎵
🎵it just goes on and on my friend🎵
🎵Some C-suite level jokers heard that number must go up🎵
🎵This could have been an email but we’ll forever ever wonder…🎵
🎵I suffer, but why?🎵 - Napalm Death
- changed lyric to meet the assignment
- reflects feelings about the task
- ends your turn as soon as possible so that the next poor soul gets to participate in this corporate hazing ritual
Just sing Gwar - Sick of You, unchanged
If they try to take away working from home, I will become a bin man
How… How often do you think binmen work from home?
Have you seen my desk?
Every day at least once
Oh they tryin’…
I’m lucky to work for a fairly small firm that fully supports my choice to be a hermit, but yeah that commercial real estate ain’t gonna finance itself.
First thing monday morning.
Looks at river, “If I was in that river Id be so wet right now.”
Boss starts looking worried.
“I bet if that river splashed me in the face we’d need two towels to clean it all up!”
Then I dont need to comment on it again until next monday.
well shit… my top comment is going to be about fucking a river now I guess…
From: jrandom@company.tld
To: everyone@company.tld
Subject: River observations 2026-04-27Everyone,
I would like to point out that the river appears to be wet. I would also like to observe that I saw at least three (3) separate ducks on the river so far.
We will revisit this topic next Monday as per company guidelines.
J. Random
Widget Testing Dept.Clearly, this needs to be a meeting with 20 people. We need to get consensus on the number and color of ducks, and what to do about them. Plus there’s the more elementary question of whether water can be wet.
It needs to be 2 hours. The only slot that everyone has free is during lunch, so I booked that.
“Boy, that river is moving pretty fast. I bet if I fell in you wouldn’t be able to find my body for weeks…”
Three… Three towels?
Four towels is a bit excessive don’t you think?
next week…
I just want to go down and slowly insert two of my fingers into that river and feel how wet it it! Then id pull them out and watch it slowly run down my arm.
I bet it smells like fish…
ok im good until next week!
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Keep going. This is doing something for me.
Bros gooning to river smut
Boss starts looking worried.
…because he thinks you’ve discovered his fetish.
The boss brought up the big wet thing in the first place!
let me out of the office to experience it, then
