As an asexual married person, I am adamantly in favor of more weddings. Could even have some fake weddings where the cake is real, trick a baker into making a wedding cake, pay them, but the wedding isn’t real and it’s just a ruse to get more cake!
Wait, is that just buying a wedding cake? Can you just… do that?
Also, I suppose we could try other genres of cake that don’t need such an expensive excuse?
My wife and I almost had our wedding cake made by the local grocery chain. They had our favorite combinations of flavors and textures, could do incredible decorations, and have an unrivaled reputation for catering, but they only make sheet cakes.
My mom was so distraught by the thought of us serving grocery store sheet cake at our wedding that she offered to pay in full for our wedding cake, but only if we got a tiered cake from the same company that made my sister’s wedding cake. My sister’s cake was sufficiently yummy, and it would save us about $500, so we agreed.
They refused to make the flavor combinations we wanted because it wasn’t traditional, and they forgot to serve the second cake. TWO CAKES?! Yes, my wife and I disagreed on what cake to serve our guests, so we each picked our own cakes and then were going to judge which of us was better at cake-picking by seeing who had the least cake left at the end of the night.
My mom paid nearly $2000 for multi-tiered disappointment, and it was dry. When we went back to the bakery a year later for our anniversary slice, they told us it would cost $50. We decided that wasn’t worth it, so we bought all the cake we could eat from the grocery store with that same money. (COVID prices)
Moral of the story: don’t get hung up on wedding cake. Any cakery bakery can make a cake that tastes like a wedding cake, so take that off its multi-tiered pedestal. If you like cake, then buy it often, and buy it everywhere. When you wanna take a break from cake, custom order a cake for yourself for a future date, use the money from all the cakes you don’t buy during your pastry pause to instead treat yourself to something magnificent. If the bakery asks if you’re celebrating anything, tell them that you’re celebrating how much you love cake.
Got my wedding cake at the nearest cake shop to where we were having our celebration dinner*, which was a place that specialised in gluten-free cakes.
They were so happy to be making a wedding cake (that they could post up on their website etc) that we paid all of £25 for it. And it was tasty as fuck.
10/10 would do it again
* We eloped, so it was just nice Lebanese food for us and out witnesses :-)
I once attended a wedding in the States once and I still distinctly remember the wedding cake. It was the worst cake I ever had.
It was pretty, mind you. But the texture sucked and it tasted like sugar and fat and nothing else. It was embarrassingly bad. For some reason none of the Americans present saw anything wrong with this monstrosity.
A wedding cake celebrates one of the most important moments of two people’s lives. It’s ridiculously expensive. And Americans either fully accept that it’s a barely edible piece of decoration or they actually have no standards regarding baked goods at all.
(The success of Twinkies does suggest a most unhappy conclusion here…)
Well, my Mark of the Beasus friend, for a country that consumes insane amounts of treats, fats, and sugar, we’ve got really shit tastes. Like, we wanted a strawberry cream cheese icing with strawberry slices in the center with lemon poppy cake. Instead, we got yellow lemon-flavored cake with pink fat 'n sugar icing. I swear, it was like a child made it.
Yeah, we just kinda accept that wedding cake often is aesthetics over taste. Over on the other site, r/fondanthate is a thing that exists so yeah it’s bad. We still eat the shitty wedding cake out of politeness and because it’s still cake.
(The twinkie profits weren’t enough to save Hostess from bankruptcy so they’re not that successful.)
You went back for the anniversary slice? You guys are mad!
“Babe, remember how constipated our wedding cake made you? I loved the way it crumbled into dust like a desiccated chamomile flower. Let’s do that again!”
It wasn’t that bad, plus we thought it would be free, but that was a different bakery that offered a free anniversary slice. Y’know, one year in, superstitions and paranoia started to seep in. We started to fear that by not even trying to secure an anniversary slice, even if it was disappointing, we’d condemn our young marriage to apathy and dissolution.
So, we hopped in the car, drove for half an hour, were disappointed a second time by the same bakery, and then instead ate something that we actually enjoyed.
You know, more gay weddings means more cake.
As an asexual married person, I am adamantly in favor of more weddings. Could even have some fake weddings where the cake is real, trick a baker into making a wedding cake, pay them, but the wedding isn’t real and it’s just a ruse to get more cake!
Wait, is that just buying a wedding cake? Can you just… do that?
Also, I suppose we could try other genres of cake that don’t need such an expensive excuse?
You could also just go to the store and like buy a cake.
But then there’s no planning, no heist!
That actually made me chuckle. Thanks for that. This is why I’m still on the internet.
My wife and I almost had our wedding cake made by the local grocery chain. They had our favorite combinations of flavors and textures, could do incredible decorations, and have an unrivaled reputation for catering, but they only make sheet cakes.
My mom was so distraught by the thought of us serving grocery store sheet cake at our wedding that she offered to pay in full for our wedding cake, but only if we got a tiered cake from the same company that made my sister’s wedding cake. My sister’s cake was sufficiently yummy, and it would save us about $500, so we agreed.
They refused to make the flavor combinations we wanted because it wasn’t traditional, and they forgot to serve the second cake. TWO CAKES?! Yes, my wife and I disagreed on what cake to serve our guests, so we each picked our own cakes and then were going to judge which of us was better at cake-picking by seeing who had the least cake left at the end of the night.
My mom paid nearly $2000 for multi-tiered disappointment, and it was dry. When we went back to the bakery a year later for our anniversary slice, they told us it would cost $50. We decided that wasn’t worth it, so we bought all the cake we could eat from the grocery store with that same money. (COVID prices)
Moral of the story: don’t get hung up on wedding cake. Any cakery bakery can make a cake that tastes like a wedding cake, so take that off its multi-tiered pedestal. If you like cake, then buy it often, and buy it everywhere. When you wanna take a break from cake, custom order a cake for yourself for a future date, use the money from all the cakes you don’t buy during your pastry pause to instead treat yourself to something magnificent. If the bakery asks if you’re celebrating anything, tell them that you’re celebrating how much you love cake.
Reject normalcy, buy the cakes.
Got my wedding cake at the nearest cake shop to where we were having our celebration dinner*, which was a place that specialised in gluten-free cakes.
They were so happy to be making a wedding cake (that they could post up on their website etc) that we paid all of £25 for it. And it was tasty as fuck.
10/10 would do it again
* We eloped, so it was just nice Lebanese food for us and out witnesses :-)
Shit, that’s great! Good for you!
I once attended a wedding in the States once and I still distinctly remember the wedding cake. It was the worst cake I ever had.
It was pretty, mind you. But the texture sucked and it tasted like sugar and fat and nothing else. It was embarrassingly bad. For some reason none of the Americans present saw anything wrong with this monstrosity.
A wedding cake celebrates one of the most important moments of two people’s lives. It’s ridiculously expensive. And Americans either fully accept that it’s a barely edible piece of decoration or they actually have no standards regarding baked goods at all.
(The success of Twinkies does suggest a most unhappy conclusion here…)
Well, my Mark of the Beasus friend, for a country that consumes insane amounts of treats, fats, and sugar, we’ve got really shit tastes. Like, we wanted a strawberry cream cheese icing with strawberry slices in the center with lemon poppy cake. Instead, we got yellow lemon-flavored cake with pink fat 'n sugar icing. I swear, it was like a child made it.
But it sure looked pretty!
Yeah, we just kinda accept that wedding cake often is aesthetics over taste. Over on the other site, r/fondanthate is a thing that exists so yeah it’s bad. We still eat the shitty wedding cake out of politeness and because it’s still cake.
(The twinkie profits weren’t enough to save Hostess from bankruptcy so they’re not that successful.)
I seen people do two cakes: one that’s expensive but is just for looks and one that’s cheap but tasty.
You went back for the anniversary slice? You guys are mad!
“Babe, remember how constipated our wedding cake made you? I loved the way it crumbled into dust like a desiccated chamomile flower. Let’s do that again!”
It wasn’t that bad, plus we thought it would be free, but that was a different bakery that offered a free anniversary slice. Y’know, one year in, superstitions and paranoia started to seep in. We started to fear that by not even trying to secure an anniversary slice, even if it was disappointing, we’d condemn our young marriage to apathy and dissolution.
So, we hopped in the car, drove for half an hour, were disappointed a second time by the same bakery, and then instead ate something that we actually enjoyed.
Sure you’ve had wedding cake, but have you tried leap day cake? Arbor day cake? Hooray it’s Tuesday cake?
WOOOO, TUESDAY!!