Me: What should I have for lunch?
AI: Have you ever tried pinecone jam and barbequed hammers?
Pinecone jam sounds like a mountaintop bluegrass festival. Also an apt name for pesto.
To be fair, the users they target really are bumbling idiots who need this.
you may laugh but that is the end goal. we’re already seeing this in people who are overreliant on AI: you get used to off-loading your brain activity so much that you need to consult AI for the most basic shit. like remembering to eat, or calculating 4+10.
can i get a hint on that last one
It’s the same as 10+4
“Incorrect. 10+4 is equal to 14. However, 4+10 is equal to 14. So yes, 10+4 is the same as 4+10.”
They always seem to have bought ad time without any real idea what to pitch. One would have thought that’d be a step in the process but apparently not.
It can summarise your text messages!
Oh, yes, because that’s an insurmountable amount of text to read, please hold my hand through this difficult time.Hey AI, I bought ad time without any real idea what to pitch, what do I do
AI: Sandwich
Wow
My favorite is this combo of AI “benefits”:
- Create fully-written emails from a few simple bullet points!
- Summarize long emails into simple bullet points!
Imagine if we could just send bullet point emails, huh?
I recently saw an AI summary appear on a YouTube video. “This is a video about a man sitting in a room talking about technical stuff.” Yeah, no shit, I knew that by seeing the thumbnail. A small list of the point he was making was too much for an AI. Useless toys.
AI is getting billions in investment. Every single company out there is pushing employees to use it. Most brands have OKRs of shoving AI into their services.
And yet a chat box, removing objects in pictures or generating mediocre images is all they ever achieve.
Nobody goes beyond that. It’s always the same as ChatGPT but with a modified system prompt. It’s always image generation. Oh look we spent half of the quarter’s budget but now our website displays an AI generated summary on top of the already easy to read information!
Which to me is irrefutable proof that AI is a useless money sink. Every company out there battling to grab your attention with AI, billions of dollars, market pressure and it’s still useless?
Honestly, AI is a good tool for making dinner plans and digging out cooking recipes. Exactly the stuff that I don’t want to waste my own brain or time doing. It’s a waste of resources and disrespectful to the idea of it of being intelligent, but it’s actually helpful for those kind of tasks.
It’s also great for holiday planning. You can spend an entire week of free time to plan a three day holiday by browsing the internet yourself or you can ask AI to do it for you in minutes.
The internet has gone to shit. Your searches don’t find anything but ads and promoted clickbait content. The AI don’t mind that. It’ll gladly browse hundreds of pages and return an answer to you.
At least for now. Eventually it’ll be shittified too. More than it already is.
Or the: “Hey Gemini move my 4 o clock”
First of all, that’s as easy as dragging the appointment to a different place in the calender which takes less time and shows you what other stuff you have going on. Second of all, rude! Don’t just move the appointment. At least call or ping me on whatever chat system we both use. Not because it’s required, but it’s good to treat other people as actual human beings instead of you being a Karen Main Character. Third of all, move it where? When are you going to have the appointment? It’s AI, not fucking magic, but the people who want your dollar probably want you to think it is magic.
Those commercials are the worst. If this is the best idealized scenario they can come up with, the product must be real shit.
We had a presentation at work that the VPs were so proud of and proclaimed to be the future of business with AI. Ready? Are you sure? The pure vision involved is staggering, and I want you to be prepared for it. Ok, here goes:
Here’s the scenario… A buyer gets an email from another employee to buy something for the business. The buyer opens an AI bot and tells it to search their email for purchase requests. The AI identifies which emails are likely purchase requests. The buyer then asks the AI to see the first one. It is a purchase request! Hooray! The AI sees that the amount is over a certain dollar amount. It asks, “Do you want to forward it to your manager for approval?” “Why, yes, thank you!” It then sends a kindly worded email on their behalf to their manager. Eventually, the manager replies and the next time the buyer opens their AI chatbot it notices the response and interprets the response as an approval. “Would you like to process this purchase request?” “Yes please, almighty chat bot!” The application then copies what it thinks are the relevant data (carefully formatted for the success of the demo, of course) into a web form open in a browser window for the buyer to submit to the purchasing system.
Mid-six figure executives of this fortune 100 company, some with C__ in their titles, applauded. They shook hands. They beamed and professed the future was here and we were on the forefront of it.
Not a single Vice President in this “technology company” bothered asking WHY THE FUCK WE WERE MAKING PURCHASE REQUESTS BY FUCKING EMAIL. Like, maybe we should go back to 1999 and master digital workflows first? Or at this point even pay some consultant hacks to implement some of that RPA crack they were peddling a decade before that we dropped $10M on? Or maybe, maybe, take Microsoft’s dick out of our mouths long enough to ask whether ANY of this makes sense!
The future has arrived. This bubble can’t pop soon enough.
This was the single funniest thing I’ve read all week. Thank you
At my place of work I sometimes come across tickets for users in the company asking for access to certain paid AI tools, with excuses like: “Access to chatGPT to more effectively send emails to clients” and
“Need AI image generation for blog update” even though we have an ENTIRE fucking art department.
It makes me laugh but it also makes me sad. I mark them as low priority and move on to other shit.
I don’t know how the Onion survives today. You can’t make this shit up, it would be too absurd.
The one where he’s making gochujang pasta sauce and puts too much sugar in, and Gemini is like “let’s turn it into cookies!”
OK but what is he going to have on his pasta? It solved the problem of wasting the ingredients but not, like, the main problem.
Woah there, you’re talking like a guy who has never had pasta a la cookies
My favourite one is where a guy repairs a car and asks how to get those pesky screws off. With a screwdriver says Gemini and the guy is just impressed with the smart answer.
guy 1: did you remember my birthday?
guy 2: whispers hey siri what’s this guys birthday
siri: it’s october 27th
guy 2: your birthday is october 27th
guy 1: wow you remembered!
*I AM a geeenius*
That’s like the most mild version. I wouldn’t fault someone for writing down my birthday instead of remembering.
Yep, same. But in a book, not Google Contacts thanks.
Also, MFW an acquaintance wished me happy birthday on 1 Jan because that’s what I give out as my fake birthday. Part cringe but part wonder who gave them that data.
Narrator: It was March 5th.
Narrator: Fast forward to today: one is no longer alive, and the other has a crippling alcohol addiction and a permanently estranged family.
Friends don’t let friends use AI.
These versions of the ads are so cringe to me.
“Help me lie to people’s faces” is a terrible ad campaign.
The Apple one with that last of us actress is especially cringe as she greets him and just lies to his face about how could she not remember. I need help remembering names, but that’s not what the ad was showing.
I saw a study recently that found, when using “AI”, people are more likely to lie/cheat/steal.
I wonder if that study accounted for a self selection bias. Could it just be that people who use AI were already people who lie/cheat/steal more often?
I had the same thought, but no, it was a controlled experiment where participants were given tasks that may or may not involve an AI tool, and the ones involving AI came back with less honest answers.
wo-oh o-o-o-ooo
It’s funny because it’s the same ads from the first wave of voice assistants. This AI stuff sure is revolutionary eh
The first public demo of Siri back when the iPhone 4S launched is more impressive than most AI commercials.
Lmao yes.
But now you can talk to your phone! Yeah it could already do that. But now it can misunderstand you and fuck up what you wanted it to do! Jup already did that as well. But now it can misunderstand you in new and mysterious ways! You son of a bitch, I’m in
I’m going to be real honest here. I often need someone to tell me what to eat. The decision can be too much of an obstacle, especially when I’m hungry.
We technically solved this problem years ago:
They should make this but with actual food instead of answers. Shake up the Magic Ate Ball and it says a meal. I’d buy that.
I had to look it up to be sure that’s not real. How is it not fkn real? What a great idea!
Asi seeit yes? Is that an Indian dish? None of my local places seem to have it on their menu.
“Hey magic 8 ball, what should I eat for dinner?”
“Yes”
I solve this by eating the same thing for lunch every day and a rotating set of dinners that I pick based on which ingredients will go bad the fastest.
This admittedly only works if you can eat the same thing for lunch every day without going mad, but lucky for me I really like burritos.
There used to be a tool called WheelOfLunch that would grab nearby restaurants and put them on a giant Wheel-of-Fortune style wheel and let you spin it. Used it to break many “where should we go” logjams in the office. It was nice
You can make a list of 20 options and roll a d20 dice.
Roll a d20, search “food”, then select the option according to the roll.
I’m unclear on how that’s a smaller obstacle.
Because you can do it in advance
Oh do it in advance? Just do it in advance?? Why don’t I strap on my Advance Helmet and squeeze down into an Advance Cannon and fire off into AdvanceLand, where Advances grow on Advancies??!
Okay, 6 items and a d6?
Why not 1 item and a D1? Zero items and a D0? π items and a Dπ?
I often need someone to tell me what to eat.
Computer is thinking
Computer is calculating an answer
Computer is incorporating your personal preferences
Computer is polling the audience
Computer is building a heuristic with over 9000 data points in order to triangulate the perfect meal for you in this given moment
Computer is producing a response
🥪
Reticulating splines
i understand that, but i highly recommend you not to rely on chatgpt for that. it is much easier to do so, but you are making it even harder for yourself in the future, by slowly training yourself to trust even less on yourself.
you could set some time aside when you are not hungry and get a list of easy meals that you can make when you are in hungry mode
but also, if you do it from time to time when you really need it, that is ok. just not always
What I actually do: lumber up to whoever happens to be in the house at the moment and say “WHAT SHOULD I EAT”.
whoever happens to be in the house at the moment
I know that this is probably about roommates or family members, but I like to imagine you leave your door open and yell these sorts of questions at whoever might wander in
“Probably”.
You need fuck it foods. Also, make a list of stuff you like based on effort you can put in and assign it to numbers on a die.
This seems trivial to solve without all the LLM parts. It’s like… 1-3 lines of code to pick a random item from a list. Surely someone has made websites or apps to do that for you, if you can’t write it yourself.
Or a no code solution: dice or a dart board or cards or any other randomization tool.
How about 1-2 egg omelette on top of a crispy bagel? Don’t cook the omelette all the way, then cut it into triangles or strips, then place onto bagel in a circular pattern. The idea is the bagel absorbs the cheese/butter/egg mix.
I am the eggman. I have a whole egg preparation routine that I can run through before I’ve even had coffee. Doesn’t even have to be exactly the same every time.
My issues generally occur at lunchtime, more often when that time has been pushed back from “regular noon lunch” to 2p or 3p. In a pinch, if there’s nobody around to demand instruction from, I can dip into the snack bucket and unwrap something and eat it, which might give me the mental space to figure out what I actually should eat. Kind of like how a fission bomb is used as a detonator for a fusion bomb.
Oh just pack the same lunch every day. Is it enjoyable? No. Did I prefer a peanut butter on whole wheat with an apple to actually having to decide what to eat or dealing with inconvenience in preparing lunch? You cannot understand how much of a game changer this was. No struggle to pack a lunch. If I was busy the night before then I’d just pack an extra in advance (and keep emergency food in my desk).
I’m WFH, no packing required.
Okay, but with Sora 2, consider that you can…
Make SpongeBob cosplay as Hitler and create a video of Pikachu shoplifting pokeballs.
Think about how much value that ads.
I use AI heavily but only in the form of my terrible finetuned Discord bot that goes off on random, unrelated schizophrenic rants or does things like (unprompteddly) come up with business ideas such as “tinder for toddlers”
SpongeBob Hitler doesn’t even have the moustache. So disappointed.
It’s the Whispering Earring in real life
hotdog is s sandwich, poptart is a sanwich, ravioli is a sandwich, this really does not narrow down anything
Can’t agree with those things being sandwiches.
Hotdogs are encased on three sides, and are therefore tacos, but poptarts and ravioli encase their fillings on all sides - that makes them calzones.
https://cuberule.com/ has the details.
