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This makes me think of a conversation between my wife and daughter a while back.
Daughter is angry with her BF and frustrated that he seems oblivious to that
Wife: “Oh honey, no. It doesn’t work like that. If I’m mad at your dad for something I just have to tell him. If he asks if I’m OK and I say, ‘I’m fine’, he takes that at face value. He’s very literal.”
Daughter: “Ugh. Doesn’t that frustrate you?”
Wife: “It was weird at first but once you get used to it it’s actually really nice. You just have to learn to talk to him.”
Me: “Wait, I did something right?”
Wife: “You do lots of things right babe.”
Yeah, I think she likes me.
Yeah communication is key. Even if you are too literal at least you are clear and not obscuring your thoughts.
Y’know I’m glad I am aromantic, emotionally insular, and paranoid as fuck. Makes my dumbass not even have to factor this shit together, was she flirting with me quickly turns into I don’t care. Though I will say having sex would probably be nice, but I’m also hypersexual and autistic so it’s almost guaranteed id probably fuck it up and go too far.
Aside from a lot of guys being thickheaded and not seeing it, there’s also selection bias.
A) A girl has a crush on a guy. He notices but plays it safe. Maybe she’s just friendly. Result: no harm done except perpetuating the myth that guys don’t notice.
B) A girl is just friendly but the guy thinks he’s being crushed on and acts on it. Now he’s forever labeled as a creep.
The only safe play as a guy is always, always assuming she’s just being friendly. Unless she comes right out and says she wants to hump your bones, just assume she’s being nice to you.
She’s Canadian.
Quadruple the caution if it’s a coworker. Hello HR violation.
To quote Amos Burton, “I don’t shit where I eat”
Don’t, “butter your bread where you earn it.”
It’s always good to play it safe unless evidence is so overwhelming that she’s into you. This has cost me some romantic opportunities but has also kept me from being the guy who dates all his female friends.
Thanks for lining it out so well.
There’s a good shot that she’s into me, but if she’s not, I’ll either die of embarrassment or I’ll get bullied by their whole social circle.
Add to this that men usually are not as socially comfortable as women, and you kinda understand it why this happens.
Same here. The guy speaks truth.
When women can’t communicate and frustrate themselves.
If you want to know why men with basic decency are so oblivious, head on over to the womens stuff community and see how many posts boil down to “all men are rapists”. I’m friends with several real life women, and most of them hold that same opinion and have damn good reasons for it (“Except you glitch, you’re one of the good ones”). More than one have expressed to me that they hate being straight because they’ve never dated a man who hasn’t taken advantage of them.
So yeah, I’m not making a move on a lady, well mostly because I’m gay, but even if I wasn’t I wouldn’t unless she explicitly asked for it. (I’d also have to run it by my boyfriend, and ask if she wanted a threesome with us, but that’s another topic.)
We typically have no idea unless explicitly told, no.
Even then, maybe she’s just nice. Or canadian
Damn, I got here too late, I wanted to make this reference too!
I knew a nice Canadian that had a crush on me once. I still messed it up.
Yeah, see, my girlfriend just right out told me. But we’re both AuADHD. So you know, things happen impulsively and directly.
I asked her on a date, she said yes. We get to the date we have fun, we have a long night out, she goes home and texts me “I like you.”
Yep. Which is a good thing too because I liked her and was a lot nervous about that.
God damn that’s the dream. This chick at the store smiles at me a lot and giggles when I’m nearby. I like hearing her laugh and seeing her smile and don’t want things to get awkward, so I’m not saying anything :/
Just give her your phone number.
Even if we’re explicitly told the first twenty times we’ll just think she’s being nice.
A girl told me in 8th grade that she knew I liked her, and was cool with it. I thought she was nice for not being creeped out that I liked her, until one day on college when I finally realized what she meant.
I told a girl who told me she likes me that she is bluffing… 🤦♂️
Well, don’t leave us bros hanging! What did she mean?
That she might be down to clown if the circus is in town, but our boy left her hanging around at the dog pound
!remindme 3years
She lived in a refrigerator.
That’s cool
A girl in college told me she liked me when we were in high school, took me like two days to realize what she meant…
It’s clear that when they say they liked you in high school, it means that they don’t like you any more, and you blew your one shot. Don’t be a dick and try now, that ship has sailed.
Or it means they’ve had a long term crush on you, and are very interested. Sometimes you get little context.
Good communication is important.
Well don’t leave us hanging! What did she mean?
No man knows what she means.
What did she meant?!
Communication from everyone involved would do wonders!
A lot of the time we do know, but we’re terrified of getting it wrong and getting rejected and maybe worse.
One rejection in college had me pegged as a creep to the point many of my own friends stopped talking to me. All I did was ask someone to get some tea once but I guess I didn’t do the mating dance right or something idk.
Was a pretty powerful lesson in seeing how people will believe what they want to believe. I guess it’s the same for many of the “creeps” and “sluts” out there.
after being rejected 100 times in a row for “ew gross i don’t associate disabled people” when after a couple dates i let them see me take a blood pressure pill (hadn’t even let them see any of my massive collection of scars except my arm and face, which i can’t exactly hide without michael jacksoning) you kind of just start making fairly accurate assumptions about the women in your society
Been there. Not blaming women either, men are equally ableist.
Hahahahahahahaha hahahahaha.
That’s one of those easy things for me to overshare. I take half a dozen pills daily to function. If they aren’t, or at least don’t know why I take them, it ain’t gonna work.
The actual like, really disabling thing about me isn’t any of the things I’m treated for. It’s my sleep disorder. I still have to show up to my 9-5. My kid still has arrival and pickup times at school. Banks are only open 9-5.
I’ve found that women with treated or untreated disabilities understand this shit way more than normies. That’s not to say go look for them, but don’t try to fit into an ablist mask, that’s far more harmful
don’t try to fit into an ablist mask, that’s far more harmful
it took me so so long to learn that one
Wouldn’t be better to do it on the first date?
there are better ways to vet potential dates
She’s just being polite.
I was at some fast food joint with a buddy and his girlfriend, and after ordering my friend’s girlfriend told me the cashier was so flirting with me.
Me and my friend: What? She was? How so?
I used to own a retail shop, and I had one young woman assistant who had a sixth sense about those things. I’d wait on a customer, and after they left, my assistant would say"Wow, she really had the hots for you," and I’d always be like WTF are you talking about?
Nah I don’t trust it, she was just being nice cuz it’s her job
Your buddies girl was the one flirting with you.
I have only ever been able to tell when it was someone I did not want to have a crush on me, someone I was definitely not interested in. If it was a woman I was interested in, or even someone not on my radar but that I probably would’ve seen how things went had I known she was interested in me, I have not figured it out until years later, if ever. My now-wife had to come right out and tell me she was interested. I would not be surprised to find out there were people I’d completely missed hints from decades ago.
This feels like “haha men stupid” and I dont like it.
Unfortunately I’ve very definitely had this problem many times in my life. I really don’t like to assume someone’s interested in me unless it’s far beyond obvious.
but it’s in the context of husband and wife, not even dating. I can understand dating, but married? long term? what?
damn I think it’s worse now, just boomer humor wife/husband bad. aw damn.
I get the dating side of the joke.
It’s putting all responsibility on others. Like, honey, use your words. Communicate. Don’t expect people to read your mind. If you set the expectation that you want people to guess how you’re feeling, then you’ll have to deal with the fallout of some wrong guesses. It’s easier to just make yourself clear.
This feels like “haha men stupid” and this is why I like it
