Thanks to the commentator who provided an uncensored version - have a bonus meme
Took the existing uncensored fuck and copy/pasted it over the engagement bait censorship
Wow my feed just had back to back censored posts.
FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
That’s it. The last ‘FUCK’ was one too much. I am now lost and deeply rotten forever, no longer able to live as a normal human being. The ‘FUCK’ is now a part of myself. This is, what all the demure people have warned me about. /j
FUCK >:3
Shoutout to the censored version censoring the word Fuck but not Fucking.
Engagement successfully baited
Thank you for your service
Good luck to the spiders trying to learn the routine I don’t have.
Your spider will be scheduling an ADHD diagnosis appointment for you soon.
What an absolute vibe. Same here.
“Sir, it doesn’t appear to exist.”
“That’s impossible, Wilkins. Run your test again. You can forget about lunch.”
“I’ve run it 7 times, sir. It’s…his days are totally…random. Anyway, they’re serving Eggplant. No thank you.”
“My God, Wilkins. We’re doomed. Did they have any chicken fingers?”
i wish i could communicate with spiders electronically through an application adjacent to direct messaging or group chats on social media. visually and physically they freak me out but if i could have casual conversations with them without having to look at them i would indeed be interested in being friends if the platonic chemistry were right. i would also happily tell them about where i see flies that bother me and places where their webs would be safe from my unintended interference.
I assume the best you can do is behavior capture and selective breeding. Feed the most inoffensive ones. Kill the ones that violate the treaty. In a few years, you could have a household of nearly invisible spiders that are somehow also always nearby.
I mean, is that not more or less how house spiders evolved?
Yeah, I think you’re right. I’m just suggesting we double down so I can get a tiny little collar that says “Muffin5917620384”
That’s actually a good idea, though, don’t capture them otherwise you are just making the spider equivalent of a dog
I’m hoping for something more like cats. They handle the pest control and I just offer them food, shelter, healthcare, entertainment and maybe some scritches behind the cephalothorax from time to time.
can learn our routines
The spiders in my room are very concerned about how little sleep I’m getting and how irregular my bedtime is
House spiders are almost exclusively harmless and gain a terrible reputation. Down here in the south east we have an abundance of orb weaver spiders.
Absolutely gorgeous and, for the most part, totally harmless. I genuinely don’t understand why people are so terrified of these things. Spiders are one of the reasons we’re not completely overrun with insects and other pests, and most species would much rather avoid us than have anything to do with us.
The brown recluse and black widow should obviously be treated with respect, but even they are highly misunderstood. Neither species is particularly aggressive toward humans, and bites are relatively uncommon. They generally bite only when threatened, trapped against the skin, or otherwise disturbed. Their reputation is considerably worse than their actual behavior.
Spiders aren’t out looking for people to bite. They’re predators doing an extremely useful job of keeping insect populations under control. Unless you have a medically significant species in your home, there’s usually very little reason to be afraid of them and quite a few reasons to appreciate them.
I love spiders, but they still creep me out. So I prefer to bring them away if they’re in my house. Garage is neutral territory, mostly. But when a Wolf Spider and I both scare the crap out of each other, it gives me heebie jeebies tho
I like your attitude, wanna be a mod on !spiders@lemmy.world?
I kinda miss the wolf spider that lived in my bathroom window. Such a chill little roommate. It just kinda showed up one day, set up its little web, and we each just minded our own business.
I kept my showers short, never opened the window, and if I swatted a fly in the kitchen, I’d deposit it in its web. Never gave me much in return. But that’s fine. I was just happy to have its company.
set up its little web
Then it wasn’t a wolf spider. They don’t build webs* and are active prowling hunters that won’t stick around in one place for long. Window sills are usually prime funnel-weaver (Agelenidae) real estate.
*There a few exceptions like Sosippus bit it’s only a handful out of over 2500 wolf spider species that build webs.
Thank you for the clarification. I didn’t know what the species was, I just kinda assumed wolf spider since it had similar markings. Wish I knew what it actually was now, honestly. Still a chill little dude.
The next time one moves in feel free to take a picture and post it to !spiders@lemmy.world. I’ll try my best at figuring out what it is.
the ones in my area build a tunnel out of webs and sit inside it
Yes, it’s a very common thing that spiders of all sorts do. But by far the most common spiders that do that are funnel-weavers in the Agelenidae family. It’s probably one of those for you and the original commentor.
I had a spider who lived under my shower basin at a previous house. I never bothered him and he must have been eating something since he hung around for a long time. Cool dude.
There’s a spider in my garage named Shelob. She eats mice. I live in Scotland and this is not normal.
At least I don’t have to set mice traps.
Yo how big is this fkn spider
Big enough to eat mice.
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That’s fucking badass.
A black spider set up house in the corner of my bathroom next to the automatic nightlight at the start of summer. He/she(?) has been quite successful at hunting flies. There is a pile below the web of about 15 or 20 tiny black packages, neatly wrapped. I almost never see flies in the house, I don’t know how the spider has caught so many--yes, I understand those two things are related, but it seems like I’d see them flying around before they got caught in the web. Also, I’m not certain they’re flies, but they all look the same and are about the right size, and I don’t know what else they could be, I don’t see any other bugs in the house.
Anyhoo, I’m debating what I should do about the spider, if anything. One is fine, but I do not want hundreds more.
Spider bro!
Also, I’m not certain they’re flies, but they all look the same and are about the right size, and I don’t know what else they could be
When a spider is done with it’s food quite often all that is left is a crumpled up ball of chitin, so you usually can’t tell afterwards.
Anyhoo, I’m debating what I should do about the spider, if anything. One is fine, but I do not want hundreds more.
I occasionally have egg sacs hatching in my flat and it’s not a problem. Most spiders commonly found indoors only produce egg sacs with few dozen eggs. They will usually disperse within a day or two. Maybe crack a window to allow more of them outside … but most will just die and mix into your regular household dust.
Most likely a female spider, if it‘s actively hunting!
Yeah. I wasn’t sure, but I thought that was the case.
You sure those aren’t mouse droppings?
I know mouse droppings. These are not mouse droppings.
We had a big spider that did similar outside the bathroom window. Every time somebody went in at night to use the can, lights on=bugs in web.
I was sad when fall came and that spider died. She was a clever one
Spiders are great. Just today my husband cheered me up while I’m sick by saying a new spider moved in on the porch last night and it caught a huge bug. I oozed my way outdoors so I could view it’s work.
People need to start learning and stop being such babies. They are small in comparison to you and most can’t or don’t want to hurt you, only biting when you try to squish them.
Note: Australia is exempt from all that. You do you, boo. Note2: excellent webwork and indeed a large bug
At one point in my life I was living in a dank California basement room, spending 99% of my time in bed due to a severe mental health crisis, 2 years straight.
One night I saw a spider chilling at the bottom of one of my bedposts. I took a picture of it and went back to bed.
8 years later I used image search to identify what kind of spider it was.
It was a brown recluse the size of my hand.
The problem with that story is that there are no brown recluses in California. They have some desert recluses in the south-east, but they barely interact with humans.
It was a brown recluse the size of my hand.
They also don’t get this big. You most certainly misidentified some other brown spider.
If you still have the picture feel free to send it to me or post it to !spiders@lemmy.world and I’ll take a look.
You’re right!
I’m not getting a very good picture of the actual spider here but I have to agree with the first AI suggestion from what I’m seeing. Reluctantly. Definitely not a recluse, though.
Apparently it’s either a False Wolf Spider or a Southern House Spider, the former often confused with the brown recluse according to the Google image search result and my own personal experience lol.
Looking at it again it’s probably not nearly as large as my hand, but still quite large of all the spiders I’ve seen myself IRL.
Poor thing lost a leg on the left! But yeah, Titiotus is a very good suggestion, checks all the boxes … it kind of annoys me because I probably wouldn’t have thought of Zoropsidae, because we only have the one here in Europe.
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Actually, it bit you and you died. Welcome to hell.
If we’re all in their hell it explains why things went downhill so much faster 8 years ago.
Let this be a lesson in not trusting overconfident bullshit machines haha
Love spiders. They clean my home of bugs, flies, roach. But some damn mosquitoes are still out there, should I bring in more spiders?
You’re on the free tier subscription. To reduce mosquitos, you have to upgrade.
Edit: wrong thing.
I need to know what the edit was
Maybe you have the wrong kind of spider. If you have too many spiders they might be too preoccupied eating themselves. I have a huge ass spider at home that looks like a wolf spider, but i doubt it. About once a week i pull him out of a web and have to untangle his feet
Wouldn’t that more correctly be
untangle his tarsi
(tarsuses?)
And, how did you manage to determine his sex?
how did you manage to determine his sex?
we matched on hinge
you fell in his web
ba-dum tsh
But is he into bondage?
Sounds to me like you need bigger and faster spiders.
The spiders that live in our houses are also often unsuited or unable to live outdoors.
If y’all spiders are going to live in my home you need to stay where the bugs are. Not on the ceiling directly over my pillow. And not in the bed! Under the bed, you’ll probably never be noticed and you’re welcome to eat the dust bunnies and bogeymen. Under the oven range, sure. I can’t reach down back there and you’re probably doing good work. But dude, there’s no food for you in the shower, and you’re gonna drown, just stay out!
Nah, they’re eating all the bugs that try to crawl into your nose and mouth while you sleep.
That’s not quite true. Take cellar spiders for example. They are evolved for living in caves, which put a great constraint on where they could live. But we came along and covered that planet in perfectly good “caves” for them and now they are one of the most widespread spiders there are.
So they are quite capable of living outdoors (unless you count caves as indoors), but without us there would be a lot fewer places for them to live.
Other spiders might use the indoors to extend their life span. Tegenaria spp. for example are mostly seasonal in the wild (meaning, they only live for one year and only the offspring makes it to the next year) but indoors some have been reported to be up to 7 years old.
So it’s not like that they unsuited to live outdoors, it’s just that indoors suits them much better. We usually call these spiders “synantropic”.
Well are those specific cellar spiders still able to, or have we softened them? Could one who’s only lived in a cellar pick up and move to a cave?
Good question. Someone should try it … there might be PhD in it!
But Pholcidae (the cellar spider family) is probably the only spider that has an established population in Antarctic. And it’s entirely within our Antarctic research stations … because they are just so good at living in human storage spaces.
Even if all humans would go away suddenly … our structures will survive to some degree. So the cellar spiders will probably be fine.
Well I would try it, but none of the caves around here have wifi.
I had to evict the jumping spider that lived in my curtains for 2 years because I was moving, I felt terrible. That little lady worked hard and earned her place, I offered to bring her to the new apartment, but she declined, I wish her the best.
Every year it takes a few times of walking through a web near the house entrance before they keep the webs only up in the corners. Not sure if it’s adaptive or the ones who get webs destroyed by my face die off but somehow they always figure it out.
September is typically spider time (in western Europe). I suppose young spiders haven’t learnt their spider etiquette yet, or they just use their spider wire to fly around more than big spiders I assume.
Autumn is mating season for spiders, it’s when a lot of them come out of hiding in search of some sexy times.
You are correct!
There’s a solid chance the spiders whose webs were destroyed are dying off. Building an entire web is a pretty biologically costly process as I understand it, and having its method of catching food destroyed doesn’t bode well for a spider’s chances of making a new one
Thanks to the commentator who provided an uncensored version - have a bonus meme
Don’t just thank them replace your shitty censored version with it
No need to be rude about it.
Are you offended that I’m rude towards a meme ?! Get lost.
I mean you’re being rude towards the person who posted the meme, not the Pic itself lol
I’m terribly sorry to my spider friends. You see, I’m an ADHD creature and that means there aren’t really much of routines to learn. Must be frustrating for them!
Give yourself some credit, you’re rarely walking on the ceiling
