So I can find a boyfriend or a girlfriend if I just boil them first? 🤔
The point of dating apps is for you to come back to the app. And harvest your data.
Never heard this comparison is an apt one
I don’t know what the answer is, but I do 100% know it’s not a dating app. Saw another post about people playing more board games, maybe try something like that. Go where people actually talk to each other. Participate without an agenda. See what happens naturally. Social media and heads-buried-in-phones have made everyone socially incompetent.
It’s a hard thing. When I was single I would try this and then it wouldn’t really go anywhere. Which would be fine if what was missing from my life was having a board game group, but what I wanted was companionship.
I think the way it should work is to basically create situations where romance could happen, but not necessarily seem like you’re actively pursuing romance. For more reserved people that can be hard to do, I think I tended to come across less as “fun person, potential partner” and more “kind of quiet guy from my board game group”.
I ultimately met my wife through a dating app so I’m glad I stuck it out, but dating is hard whichever way you do it.
Being a complete person and not expecting another person to be the “missing piece” is important. I’m not saying you did it wrong. It’s normal and healthy to want companionship.
A lot of folks have stupid Hollywood notions of what “true love” is.
IOW, have your own shit together, don’t be a burden who thinks someone else can fix them or meet their every need.
Swamps can have drinkable (as in not poisonous, not as in thirst quenching) water so I usually say ocean in place of that. Because good luck drinking saltwater. And it’s more fitting because the water is all around you.
I was thinking ocean was a better choice as well. You can drink as much as you want but you might regret it.
OkStupid and Plenty of Failure weren’t bad until they got bought. I used to get dates and girlfriends a lot. Then it became grift city and bot paradise.
Yeah, met my wife on OkCupid in 2013.
yes! I used to use them back in like 2012 and they were half decent for meeting people
I guess some kind of decentralized dating social media is what is needed.
Nothin gets a girl going like federated dating services.
TBH I am somewhat ashamed of my (male) sex, and its many extremes. The incel side, the oldschool sexist side, the Instagram macho side, the “Andrew Tate attention predator” side, the “take a freaking shower” side, the “you cheated on your mistress?” side…
Like, I am an AuADHD recluse. No self-promotion here. I know I’m not in a good place for a relationship, at the moment.
Yet based on guys I’ve personally met, I feel like I’m in the top percentile for “being reasonably understanding/deferential/courteous/nice, meeting a baseline grooming standard, engaging with someone else’s needs, and so on.
Don’t ever be ashamed of something you didn’t choose or do. People love to be inflammatory but nobody really judges a guy just for being a guy. Vast majority of men are doing the best they can, we know. I work in a company about half men, all of them manage to be clean and together and nice, same as the women do. Some of the guys are for sure dressed better than me most days.
Can’t judge a group on the worst of them.
Just be clean and treat women like people. The bar is SO LOW
I’m not quite sure how to say this, but the bar is definitely above there. I’m sure many women have these stories of people falling below it and having lowered their standards, but there are also guys (like me) that have received zero to zero attention while being very socially open in a lot of contexts.
Worse, there’s often a conclusive reaction of “If that’s the case, you must be doing something wrong”. I know I’m not my own best judge, but I don’t believe that. I show interest in people’s lives and hardship, be kind, stay clean, and it doesn’t appear to make a difference.
People as a whole (not just women) are less prone to haphazard connections than they used to be. More generally, it ties in with the difficulty making friends as an adult. Attractiveness concerns could tie into that, but I can’t say for sure.
Worse, there’s often a conclusive reaction of “If that’s the case, you must be doing something wrong”.
And then, they can’t point out anything you’re doing wrong! And then, you see tons of men out there who don’t clear that low bar, yet have dates and get married (often multiple times). I’m with you, the claim that that’s the bar just isn’t credible.
Have you tried asking any out on a date or are you just waiting for them to make the first move?
I have! The last time it failed was when someone turned down my date before the day even came up - because I wasn’t messaging her often enough in pleading persistence.
“The worst she can say is no” is not true either. The worst she can say is a vague promise to satiate you until she can leave and ghost you. It’s a practice that many women have used to avoid toxic, persistent men. The emotional effect there is akin to “Not only are you not worth it, you look threatening enough based on your height/weight/gender that it’s too risky to even reject you directly.”
Honestly, much as it frustrated me when it happened, I completely understand why the practice exists. I’d say I blame toxic manosphere personalities and possessive men for such social patterns ever existing.
Basically, when I make those comments about the bar being higher, that isn’t really making an “ask” of anyone. I acknowledge women spend a lot of time and effort on makeup, appearance, clothing, already. Overcoming the anxiety of asking someone out would be a big ask on top of that, it’s difficult for either gender. But the attempts from guys, thanks to horrible people and toxic “dating” cultures, have now been emotionally draining too. The situation sucks for everyone now. I just ask that you don’t claim solutions to be easy. If they were, people would be achieving them.
Gotta keep at it. This is the way and someone will see your spark
My problem lies in approaching them in the first place.
My fiancé approached me and that’s the only reason we’re together.
Now that I think about it that’s the only reason I’ve ever been in a relationship
The bar is low and made of soap
Absolutely this!
I’m not particularly good looking and I’ve been overweight/unfit my entire life.
I have NEVER had problems getting dates or getting laid. I’m polyamorus these days, which narrows down the dating pool quite a bit and it still is not an issue.
The secret is just…be honest? Be authentic and treat people like people, regardless of their gender.
The bar really is low.
I agree. I am a pretty damaged person and always had weight problems, but after i turned 18, the first time i am single is now - i’m 45 now. Difference to the people i knew that always had problems finding a partner was mainly listening, treating women like everyone else, and having some fucking decency.
You should never feel shame for the immutable characteristics of your identity. Race, gender, origin, sexuality are what they are. You can’t control them and neither can anyone else.
You are only responsible for your actions and how you treat others. Anyone that makes you feel like your identity is bad or shameful is part of the problem.
I worded that poorly.
The emotion I feel is somewhere between confusion, shaking my head, and wanting to slap someone in the face. I’m not ashamed of being male, but I do not appreciate others representing my sex so… negatively
Dated hot and heavy a few years ago and used to ask women about bad first dates as a conversation starter. With my whole chest, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.
I only had one bad date. The women I dated could each tell stories for ages.
My worst date (not 1st date, I think 3rd?). Me and this very tall and attractive woman were getting ready for some sexy time and when I brought out a condom she flipped out, said something along the lines of “ARE YOU CALLING ME A WHORE?!” and stormed out. I, of course, ignored this giant red flag because I was very horny and she was hot and tall. Over the next few months I found out how crazy she really was and finally ended it.
I can now often notice borderline personality disorder during the first meeting, and know to walk away.
I haven’t had a lot of bad dates, but that’s because I only date friends. If a guy can’t handle being in the friend zone first, he’s failed the vetting process.
The cheating is not exclusive to dudes though. Women do cheat a lot too. I wouldn’t say one sex “wins” over the other in that regard.
There are plenty of stereotypes for women, too, and many overlap.
The challenge isn’t that these people actually exist, the challenge is that while they are few in the general population, there’s often no way to know until you’ve wasted your time, or worse, it’s too late.
I feel fortunate I don’t have to go through that slog.
Dating apps for men: swipe right on anything mildly close
Dating apps for women: sort through list of people who swiped right on you
Twenty matches later you get a couple people to respond once. It’s like pulling teeth.
And the twenty matches take a year to get
If you’re a man at least. 5 minutes if you’re a woman, I’ve heard
and what are the nonbinary, lesbian, and gay experiences
A desert with an oasis but the oasis is a swamp.
this doesn’t even have an option for me.
haha no thanks I’m not using that.
a fever swamp but its too shallow to drink from, you can only stick your dick in the mud. which does have great suction.
One of my friends is an older gay guy. He really wants an exclusive, comitted relationship but apparently it’s hard to have anything but hook ups. 😣
So maybe like a wading pool?
Roman bath.
gay experience? cruising, but you learn how women get treated and it isn’t great.
so what is the well in this analogy?
I think the moral of the story is blame
NestleMatch GroupRemember, they make money when you use the app. If you meet an actual good match, you don’t need the app anymore.
Thusly, the whole point is not to find you a good person, it is to make money by keeping you on the app.
This sort of technology could be amazing for finding people of the same interests and background, but instead its a slot machine with faces. That’s why the pix are the primary interface and not a bunch of filters based on personality, interest, etc.
I mean Match group certainly carries a lot of the blame. But at some point you gotta acknowledge there’s also just a lot of shitty people there to just waste your time on both sides of the fence
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Yeah it ain’t the 50s out here anymore but not everyone has fully come to terms with that.
Capitalism encourages shitty behavior. People are more focused on what they can get out of a relationship than they are focused on building a relationship. It’s a consequence of a “what about mine” economy.
The wealthiest person in town has the well and doesn’t need an app.
fits well
Leaving the apps?
There is no well, there is only well actually
Gay men seem to be well
The well is in the town square. You know, where all the people are?
Where you’re not supposed to approach people cause it’s seen as intrusive?
That’s simply not true, at all.
Says you
Says society in general. Be less anxious.
It’s not about being anxious, it’s about respecting people when they make it abundantly clear that they don’t want strangers bothering them in public.
If your confidence overrules people’s comfort zones, you might be the jerk. Just sayin
not invented yet.
The fact people use dating apps still shocks me. I’ve never once used them.
I did find out in Korea they have a word for guys like me. “ 자만추” or jamanchu which means “self righteous pursuit.”
Guys who prefer to find love naturally without the use of dating apps. Apps like that are all bad and have a financial incentive to keep you single and using the app.
dating/hookup apps for furries: [mutually] here is my sona and a selection of my nude pics, when and where?
when everyone is weird, nobody is weird 🐺
E: and yes, I am in fact on barq~
Proofs that women have it easier with online dating lol. You can just boil and filtrate swamp water to make it potable, whereas in the desert u simply are just fucked lol
Proof
My guy it’s an analogy
have you ever tried boiling a potential sex partner before? they get very upset and aren’t much good in bed once they calm down
There are way to find water in the desert. People have lived in deserts for thousands of years.
Name one
Take it from the plants
I mean a person who’s lived in the desert for thousands of years
Pleased to meet you, hope you guessed my name
Me
Cool.
hot single dryads near you? or those weird holes trees get?
One day Tarzan was swinging through the jungle when he saw Jane down below, sunbathing naked in a clearing.
Jane called out “Tarzan, come down here and make sweet love to me!”
“Tarzan only fuck hole in tree!” he called back.
“Come down Tarzan, you will enjoy this much more. I am warm and soft and beautiful.”
Tarzan swung down onto the forest floor, walked up to Jane, and smacked her between the legs with his club.
“Aaargh! Tarzan, what the fuck?! Why did you do that?!”, screamed Jane.
“Tarzan always check for squirrel first.”
Underground/cave springs. Digging to the water table. Collecting and storing rainwater when it does happen. Cactus moisture. Condensation…
I can always find a date, that’s what the shovel is for.
Don’t forget desalination
Ah, right, and that’s a whole rabbit hole too. Like oldschool boiling, or osmotic filters.
fucking ‘mermaids’.
My preference would be nuclear, but both of yours seem to be useful in keep the e.g. the Middle East hydrated.
that is the power source not the filtration method.
Well if we’re stretching so far, you have to watch out for flash flooding in Arizona every once in a while
Tbf when it rains it pours, I’ll get no interest for a year and then one drop, then a trickle, then a downpour. But all I really want is love, and that’s a LOT harder to find than sex, only met one in my entire life and let her get away when I was a dumb kid, if I can get her back or find someone I feel the same for, then I’ll never make that mistake again, but will either of those ever happen remains a mystery for now.
Oh well, at least I’ve got cats.
